The migraines lately have still been quite mild, as in not too frequent and managed by the abortive. I am quite pleased with this progress, almost seems to good to be true, but statistically, I was bound to find something that worked, eh?
One thing that irks me is the side effects of nervousness (jittery energy) and the shakes… because both of these cause me to start talking and not stopping. Just rambling on and on. With a thousand thoughts just whirling in my mind and quite a few of them expressed, whether people want to hear it or not.
This annoys me because I am not a chatty person. You could say I am funny because I do enjoy joking around, to make myself laugh more than anything… some people are just way too serious. Laughter is a coping skill I developed, as it works better than the sarcasm I used to have as a different sort of coping skill. But, no one would say I am chatty. No one would claim I talk about my private life to people I hardly know or to co-workers. No, people would say I am a private and generally reserved person. But between hyper migraines and this jittery nervousness, I am so not seen like that anymore. I am acting contrary to my own nature, which changes people’s perception of who I am.
Yet inside I am still the same personality type and so I get pissed off that my brain goes all crazy as to spit out anything that occurs to it. And if I annoy myself then surely I must annoy others. Usually, I can’t even stop it, even when the ghost in the machine is thinking ‘jeez, I should shut up right about now’, I don’t. And I talk super fast as well like I can’t catch my breath. It is like me on crack. Me as an extrovert, which I am so not. I don’t seem to recall extroversion as a side effect, but I don’t like it. I am introverted and proud of it dang it. Besides verbal vomit is horrible. I like to think before I speak, not just tumble out anything and everything. It is not a constant thing though, it is like a switch turns on and off I go.
It is not cool, man, not cool