What an entirely awkward day at work today. Ever get the feeling that people have a secret they are not willing to tell you? And you know it is usually a bad one. I had that feeling all day today. I seriously think my job is in jeopardy, no matter how I struggle to play by the rules… the problem is my head disagrees and taking all those meds just pushes me to the limits, and so I disappoint and worse it looks bad. No matter that no one was willing to accommodate me when I returned to work, as a full-time employee it just looks bad.
Someone from another branch, that used to work at ours, heard about the two days last week I missed… which made me wonder why this is big gossip. Who is telling her this? And why? But at least she comprehends what I am going through and recommended I talk to HR to save my butt. And I agree. I really, really should.
Another co-worker asked if I had called in sick on Thursday, which implied the boss lady said I did not… and I did, I am sure that I did. Why is she talking to staff about it in the first place? I cannot recall what I said, as I was all messed up and seem to be having some retrograde amnesia going on for those two days, but I Always call in. Always. I may not be coherent when I do, but I Do.
Anyway sucks to be me right now… nothing like awkwardness with the boss and all the staff. And a migraine to boot… a nasty visual aura hell migraine, with warping walls, intense visual snow, fogginess, double vision and shifting white lights… that is pretty messed up even for me. I’m having issues with tripan side effects still. And dealing with the damage the NSAIDs did to my gut due to that bleeding ulcer. Thankfully, the hazy migraine kind of give me a comforting apathy, which enables me to react without the nervous breakdown part.