This story begins with a migraine, as most of my stories do on this blog. It is a status migraine… a battle that has been ongoing since Monday. Monday it began, it was treated and I functioned. Tuesday I woke up with it, it was killer, I was late to work and suffered all day long. Wednesday it was still kicking, took two abortives and kept it medium grade. Today I gave up since nothing was working anymore and tried to call in sick.

I called in sick. My manager called me back and the conversation was pretty much all on her side since I could say nothing.

1) I have missed 13 days this year, which is likely true so I can’t argue with that. It is three times as many as any other two employees combined… can’t argue with that, cause unless they have an unmanaged chronic condition there would be no valid reason to miss that many days.

2) My customers depend on me… I am sure to some extent they do.

3) My colleagues depend on me and take over my workload when I am not there… yeah as if I did not feel guilty enough about that.

4) She can’t keep defending me… she’s defending me? Sounds more like threats and ultimatums.

5) I can’t miss more days… I know… tell my brain.

6) I need to make lifestyle changes… sure, cause my lifestyle is the reason why I have migraines. Cause it’s my fault then if I don’t change.

Ergo, therefore, thusly… I went in. I went in extremely upset and in loads of pain. That is just how I want my coworkers to see me… so upset I can’t stop weeping but can’t talk about it or I will just start crying a river. That was just awesome. One by one all my coworkers told me to go home, that I could not work like that, that management could not make me. I said I had no choice, which is what it felt like. Finally, one coworker insisted I call HR and talk to them, on the record and ask them. It was nice to have the HR lady tell me flat out I cannot be fired for sick days, that there are no adverse consequences to taking them, needing them or getting accommodation for an illness. She recommended first that I request an accommodation package and take it to my doctor. She said if I needed to go to the hospital to just go. So I did. And I still feel crappy about leaving. And I feel crappy about being emotional in front of others.

The ER is always an adventure best avoided. It took five hours of my life. Bright lights, uncomfortable beds and me in abject misery. Emotionally I was miserable and physically I was in extreme pain. But ER doctors are not neurologists… they have one battle plan for migraines and it only works 30% of the time with status migraines, on me anyway. Toradol, which I can’t take my pill, but can through the IV. It kinda worked, in the sense, it knocked the pain from an 8 to a 6, for a little bit. Enough to calm me down anyway. Enough to get me home. Migraine is still there, hovering around a 6 to 7 depending on position and movement. I always expect the ER to kill a migraine, but they don’t, but at least there is a little relief. Although the real reason I went to the extent of going there, knowing they are never all that helpful, was because my triptan usage is causing chest pain, shallow breathing and spitting up blood. They did not do anything about that, so I have no idea if I should not use them, or just hold off a day or so, so that my lungs can recover. I should probably care about that… but I don’t. I’ll mention it to my neuro when I get a hold of him.

So thus was my crappy day from hell. Granted the only one that made me feel like shit was my boss, but she did a fine job of it and at a time when four days of solid migraines put me in ‘that’ fragile emotional state.
And I still feel like shit.

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