We were short staffed the last two weeks, so I’ve been covering for a few people. Making sure I came in even though it was a week of violent migraines, along with violent storms. I was glad to do it, my co-workers help me and I am more than willing to help them back with whatever they need.
My boss says to me now you know how they feel when you’re gone, because I was quite busy, but I liked that, more of a pain distraction. And I thought to myself, not the same. They would cover my work for sure and that would be that. I covered for two people while having nasty migraines. So not the same. That irked me a bit. But thanks for the bonus guilt trip. Always welcome.
But then the boss lady comes in for a chat, cause she has heard from above the ladder. They have decided in their brilliance that I cannot miss any more work. And if I do then my ‘role’ is not ‘appropriate’ for me… so being the kind-hearted people they are they will then demote me to the role I did before, which would actually make things worse. What can I say to that? So the idea is I suffer and you have me here every day? A win for you, lose for me? Until I can’t take it anymore and quit? Until I have a nervous breakdown? I don’t know if it is just that they do not comprehend my disability, don’t care, or want to get rid of me by being more inflexible. It pissed me off because clearly, they do not want to do a damn thing. And they will not do a damn thing unless forced to. So I will continue to go in every day, as best I can and do what needs to be done until my neuro appointment in Sept. And so far it has been torture.
Plus they chronically complain about my audit scores, my files coming back with discrepancies. I know already. I am doing what I can do to double check my migraine ridden brain, recheck my work thrice over to ensure it does not happen. But I am very annoyed that they both expect me to present and accounted for every day, but also function like a normal person? Do they understand the word disability? It is the presenteeism. I am there, but I am not There. And I am forcing myself to be there to appease them.
They make me feel like I am completely useless, but the fact is, despite my absences and even my three-week neuro treatment absence, my numbers and sales are doing just as well as anyone.