Hermit or Argophobic?

beautiful sad lonely girl sitting near the window is missing

 

My shrink says I am literally on my way to becoming agoraphobic, rather than a hermit that prefers her own company.  Which is entirely true.  For two reasons really.

One being, I am a reserved and introspective person that really is quite fine by myself and enjoys a lot of hobbies that are solitary.  A social butterfly would have troubles becoming reclusive, whereas I find it all too easy.

Secondly, I have trained myself quite well to be this way as a natural pain avoidance.  You trim the fat off your life, and maybe those elements of socialization and exercise are important, but not as important as surviving the workday.  So out of necessity you get rid of them without thinking about the positive effects they had on your life at the time.  Then there is the fact you can’t do things like that on a routine basis because pain disrupts routines of any sort.  And you can’t make plans to do things because pain gets in the way of that as well.  Then it sort of sneaks up on you that in the house you can control your environment, but Out There you cannot.  As soon as you step out into the light pain will come.  And that rather makes it easier to choose to stay inside.

So every time she mentions something to get me out of the house I am rather resistant to the idea.  Rather not get into it and fail at it, when I can simply not bother.  But in order to live rather than exist, we need to be engaged with the outside world in some fashion or another.  So my homework is to leave the house every day for any amount of time to do anything I wish… even if that is simply going to the cafe and reading there.

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4 comments

  1. In my effort not to include my friends in my struggle with pain (such a downer) I forgot that support goes both ways. One of my friends was going through an awful time herself with her daughter and thought I was avoiding her because of that. Made me realize that friends don't care about me being in pain they just care about being friends.

    Hope that your journeys “outside” are as pain free as possible!

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  2. the time of the day that I don't have anxiety is early morning, sun just coming up, very little traffic on the road. i use this time to get in my workouts that i know are good for me and it gives me time to walk my dogs. i try to look at as much of nature as i can and this helps me to look passed my own pain.

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  3. Well first day… I had a plan to go to the lake and take pictures… but I woke up late with a migraine and that made me not want to venture outdoors. Man, I think I am proving tha shrink right. I'll try again tomorrow!

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