How to be a Hermit


Due to savage pain and trying to work I have cut socializing from my life. I hermit quite well. When I go on a leave from work… I go full-on hermit-mode.

How to Hermit

1) Avoid sunlight: Sunlight is evil, but besides that fact, if you avoid sunlight you will avoid 90% of people. In fact, if in contact with sunlight, squint, look confused and possibly scream.

2) Do not leave the house: Your house is your cave. You can randomly heckle or rant at people that come to the door, in fact, it is recommended, but do not leave unless in dire need.

3) Do not answer the phone: let’s face it, if you are a good hermit, the only person calling is telemarketers anyway. If you do feel impelled to answer the phone, then feel free to engage the telemarketer in a random conversation about religion, politics, and anything that is highly opinionated.

4) Develop good ranting skills: This is a necessary asset to any hermit. Get your rant on about anything, but mostly about ‘Those People’ and ‘The Man’ and ‘Others’.

5) Act crazy or confused when in contact with ‘them’ or the ‘others’: This means basically anyone that is not like you. They don’t ‘get’ you and are possibly ‘against’ you.

All right I am not quite this intense yet. But I am honing my skills.

3 thoughts on “How to be a Hermit

  1. How about;

    * Hoard everything and don't throw it away, ever. If someone asks, claim it is an antique and will be worth something someday.

    * Bathing is optional. See how long it takes for others to say something. Any bathing activity should include a water hose, bucket, and a sponge.


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