It has been a very intense few days of migraines. Pain levels have been very high which rapidly decreased my brain function. My new coworkers noticed this as well. While chronic pain is an invisible disability to a point, once it gets to a certain level if a person knows you even on a basic level they will notice the chance. Pain just dampens your personality. Muffles it. You use all your energy and concentration to try and focus beyond the pain to get things done, as in to understand what people are saying and to walk and talk. It gives you that sort of zombie effect. A glazed look in the eyes. Delayed reaction time. And lack of any real expression. Those are the days I ardently wish I did not have to work in such pain, but I don’t make the rules I just play the game. I suck at the game and I don’t get the rules but I keep playing anyway even though the fun has been sucked right out of it. So that has been my week. Just a lot of getting through the minute to get through the hour to get through the day to get through the week.
What I like about my current work environment is that my co-workers are just as great as my previous work environment but the overall atmosphere is less stressful; workload is the same, expectations are the same, but the manager is very supportive and motivational which rather helps me feel positive about getting through the day. It is a very cohesive environment. Nevertheless, brutal migraines make for a brutal week. And I sort of lose track of the time. Because nothing really gets done, beyond work because after work my brain just shuts down.
What has also been a concern and has been for months now is the level of intensity to my migraine auras. The last couple of days have just shown me how crazy acute migraines can be with the auras being as bad as they are. Balance problems, vertigo, problems focusing my eyes, warping vision, tingling all over, jaw pain, teeth pain, visual snow so intense I can see the sparkles with my darkest sunglasses on, ringing ears, hearing loss… Nutty, nutty, nutty.