I planned to go, illness planned differently

Tell us about a time your plans changed due either to an unexpected Migraine or an unexpected Migraine-free experience

There was this time I had an unexpected migraine-free day and I thought ‘huh, I’ll go to work today!’ Kidding! I go into work all the time with migraines but a migraine free day makes it more clear for sure.

Anyhoo… this is a teeny bit hard to answer because, well, I don’t plan because of the whole chronic pain thing but I would make a spontaneous plan to do something if I had a migraine-free day… but that is so freaking rare that it doesn’t really happen on a day off. Or at least I don’t recall the last time I have had a migraine-free day on a day off.

This past Monday and Tuesday were awesome pain days, as I didn’t get a migraine until the evening and it was mild. But then Wednesday was a horrific migraine that caused me to miss work as if to mock those very nice pain days and today started off very unpleasant but my triptan knocked it down to bearable. So by the time the weekend rolls around I’m going to be tired even if I manage to be free from pain for half a day my plan is to recover from the week.

Even if I don’t have a migraine I still have pain and fatigue. Fibromyalgia is even more chronic that my chronic migraines in that sense I guess since it doesn’t even have the potential of taking a break. So that essentially means when I’m having a good pain day, whether that be with FM or migraine and I feel like I have enough energy then I will make a mini list of things to do. Some of the things I want to do, like writing (some fiction and then some non-fiction) and some reading (at least an hour of downtime for reading, likely more if it is a bad pain day because obviously, that is all I can get done) or going book shopping (awesome!) or whatever… and then some things I should do like laundry, and housework and whatever. And then I feel like I got something done and I feel emotionally and mentally satisfied. Good pain days mean that my list can include something that requires leaving the house. Bad pain days mean I’m all hermit style. But I don’t plan. It’s more like I wake up on a day off and assess how I feel and then decide from there.

That being said, the few times I make plans to, say, go on holidays I stick to them because they involve other people so it doesn’t matter how much pain I’m in… I’ll do it because I want to make others happy.

But if it is an informal plan to go to a family gathering such as a BBQ then 90% of the time I often end up not going because it requires some travel and I’m in a boatload of pain and I know the pain will get worse… which sucks because I always want to go.

The last time being my uncles birthday party and I was really not well, otherwise, I would have damn well forced myself to go but it was day 1 of a brutal hormonal migraine (need I say more?). That really bothered me because I had not seen him in a long time and I really wanted to be there for his birthday since he is not around often and obviously I’m not out and about often.

Plus I don’t socialize often so it would have been nice to visit with family. I guess that right there is an example. Huh. I guess I got my brain thinking. Come to think of it I also have not been able to visit with my brother Dom who has been in the hospital undergoing cancer treatment. After work my migraines are very acute, I’m drained and obviously can’t get to the hospital in the city in time so it leaves the weekend. Because of fibromyalgia, I get sick a lot and I was not going to get my brother sick with anything I had and then with this damned vertigo and constant nausea I was not sure if I was sick or sick sick for while. I got one visit in, but not enough to be there for him, my other brother and my stepmother. So I’ve been waiting for him to get well enough and strong enough to be home and hopefully go visit more often there…. but that there is planning. So while I plan to I won’t say anything because then I won’t disappoint anyone.

Which is why I hate planning. Breaking plans is like breaking promises. It is better to be spontaneous and random than to not do something you say you are going to. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I really attempt to not plan anything… but obviously others do plan events which I do try to attend and often fail. I have over time lost plenty of friends because of this… well, all of them, because I suck at being able to give anything to them. And I try my damndest to be there in any way, even if it is just my presence or my words in a freaking email to my family because I am not capable of being there as a full presence I wish I could be. Damn, that makes me sad.

National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.

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One thought on “Migraine: Illness Planned Differently

  1. I'm so sorry you haven't been able to visit your brother that much because of migraines and fibro. Of all the things illness steals, the worst is precious time with family.


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