My psychologist had an idea.
That idea was meditation and deep breathing. To help with those negative thoughts that are just playing around in my brain when in pain.
I actually don’t think this is necessary because I generally know when I’m in a ‘mood’ and am going down ‘crazy road’ with my thoughts and I just intentionally do something else that takes more brainpower than thinking random thoughts does. And it works. Just because a migraine causes an emotion doesn’t mean you have to fall headfirst into it. You can be aware of it, know the cause of it, and actively do things you know will help with it. And habitually I don’t worry while trying to sleep because I’ve been an insomniac for a Very Long time and that is something I just learned a long ago. But if I’m anxious or depressed prior to a migraine and want to chill out I figure this would be cool to learn because sometimes I just need to learn to freaking chill out…
because sometimes stressful situations seriously ruin my cool and compromise my ability to cope…
er, maybe because I try to think of solutions when I’m in a ‘mood’ at precisely the times when I can’t think rationally and am in too much pain which then just makes it worse when I realize there is no solution.
Yeah. Maybe. And obviously one of the most difficult time to relax is when I have a killer migraine and I’m trying to sleep. Which would be last night.
I was going to prepare a soundtrack for this meditation gig because I have insane ringing in my hears that would seriously ruin my cool if I concentrated on it for more than a minute (I actually think that might be a way to torture someone, just a room with no noise except that loud ringing in the ears)… but its all good because I play the radio all night in the bedroom for that very reason.
Enter meditative state
So I go to bed. Wicked migraine. Lay on my back and breath in through my nose and slowly out through my mouth with my eyes shut.
First thing I notice: Deep breathing hurts my head. I mean my head is already Pulsing insanely with some intense pain and when I breath in I can actually feel the pain stretch. I was like Wow this is so non-meditative. It is skull expanding pain.
So second thing on my list is to Visualize something.
But I didn’t actually need to. Because lying down and apparently breathing like that sort of flared that perpetual aura symptoms that are associated with VS, one being when you close your eyes you see a wonderful field of pulsing lights… but in this case, they were far more vibrant than usual. It is actually sort of hypnotic watching them so I thought hey I’ll just zone out watching the pretty lights.
Then I realized the ringing in my ears was rather loud.
Okay, never mind, just ignore it and listen to the music.
Also, the pillow touching my head hurt. This is was not a comfortable position to be in.
Also, the skin on my head was just hurting because that was the sort of migraine this was turning out to be.
And man was my head killing me. Be one with the pain. No, no… don’t do that… that makes it hurt more.
Seriously… how am I supposed to meditate when usually I distract myself from the pain and here I am just doing nothing and the pain is just There throbbing and pulsing. I noticed it is pulsing with my heartbeat, which doesn’t seem to want to chill.
Okay, okay, breath in and out. Imagine you are gathering the pain in and spewing it out. Out damn pain, out!
And end session
Well, I can’t tell you if this would work or not if I was in a state of anxiety because I wasn’t. I’m just practicing. And I’m in a wicked migraine right now so not thinking was actually really easy… I really had a fine case of the stupids before this migraine hit and was already mentally sluggish. It was sort of relaxing, but if the idea was to keep me in bed and relax me enough to sleep… then that was a fail. Once again the reason I can’t sleep when I have a wicked migraine is that I have a wicked amount of pain. I ended up laying there another two hours doing my usual daydreaming (which is what I do in replace of worrying) before stumbling up to get a triptan. Then waiting for that to sort of work and eventually falling into a fitful sleep sometime around 7am. So unless you can meditate yourself into a coma I can’t see it helping for insanely painful migraines like these.
Also doesn’t hurt. And at this point, I’m just practicing the deep breathing part and the act itself so that when I’m anxious or whatnot I can utilize it as a tool to physically calm myself down and stop the thought processes. Maybe it will be a good tool or maybe at least a sort of anti-stress thingy. I don’t know.
The first thing to do is clearly find an app for that. And, well, practice makes perfect.