I’m on a long-term leave from work but this will only last till the end of the year. I really doubt if it will be continued after that if I understand the insurance company correctly or really if you know how insurance companies Are. If they deem me capable of returning to work then my employer will offer me some random position which I will have to take or I can also choose to take severance pay (which seems like a sucky alternative).
So either I find alternative employment I Can function at or I get back into a functioning state. The first option can be something that just pays sufficiently. But I have to be capable of being present and able to work either way. Or at home work, if I can find something I am capable of doing that pays that barely sufficient amount, which for online work is harder than you think. I got bills to pay. Had two decent incomes… so need to have one sufficient income to replace my decent income. Or I become functional in the basic sense of the work… able to get to work, able to work full time, able to endure the pain, able to not miss too much work…
And I am looking and I am trying out small things online. Signing up for sites that have job postings. Doing skill tests. Seeing what is available. Doing more in-depth tests to test my skills to see if more opportunities come up.
What I am finding is that I cannot function. I get a migraine a few hours after I get up. First thing after getting up I am extremely groggy from the Lyrica. I can’t even think straight. Then the migraine kicks in. If I treat it I’ll likely be so damn dopey and sleeping I will not be able to think straight if my life depended on it and it might not even kill the migraine… I might want a four-hour nap though. If it is a non-treatment day then the migraine just gets worse and worse. The fatigue gets the way a lot and that again has to be the damn Lyrica but it is just this heavy fatigue and brain fog… and a migraine. I can’t think straight at all. Nothing gets done. What does get tried is minimal and unimpressive.
I fear I cannot function. I cannot think straight. I cannot reason properly. I just muddle through things.
Except for skill tests on language. Except for writing of course. And writing pays very little. If I could find a way to make writing pay… then I’d be set.
The point is the pain levels have been high due to the storms. Then lack of sleep. Then another blood storm. And I cannot control these things. And with all the fatigue and mental grogginess. It is very discouraging that I may not be able to find a solution to my problem in time or at all. Or ever. And I need to work. We cannot live on one income or permanent disability. It is making me depressed that I can’t can’t find any solution that works. And I would be the cause of us being unable to pay our bills and our financial decline. Me. Because I cannot function.
Clearly, the migraines don’t give a damn about that. They can take a whole day and not care that you needed it.
A problem that looms ahead of me with no solutions to be found. Yet. But the way my brain is I have no idea what solution that could possibly be.