So glad I didn’t miss this blog carnival this time. And why you ask? Because I am blogging as soon as I saw the posting and scheduling my blog post. Ahha got you this time brain fog!
On to the topic at hand…
“Hope Springs Eternal: What gives you hope to live with Migraines and Headaches?”
This is a tricky one. I sometimes falter with hope these days. I try to bolster myself in different ways and fool my brain into believing it has hope which is like a temporary hope band-aide.
I find it is difficult once you stop working. Like that is the last crap frontier. I figure there is nothing more migraines can take from me but let’s not tempt fate on that one because let’s be honest… there is. That is just the one I really didn’t want to give up but really needed to. I like to hope I can achieve a compromise in that department sometime in the future because I am still young.
Here is the thing though. I know just how brutal the pain can get with daily migraines and working. With status migraines in there and not sleeping. And suicidal ideation. And then attempting suicide. So I know low of lows.
Hope is a fragile thing that comes after that. After losing it just utterly and entirely I sort went well here I am. Still here. Now what? And not working improving a small fraction of the suffering, which has diminished some of that desperation. Enables me to at least get some sleep. And less status migraines. So I want to build on that if I can. I hope that new treatments will give me some quality of life that I still lack. I will be seeing a pain clinic soon and I hope looking at things from a new angle will help. I will be attempting other lifestyle changes with the assistance of other specialists and that too I hope could be a benefit.
I also know that I cannot necessarily control the pain or push through the pain but I can try to manage the suffering aspect. And doing whatever I can, whatever little thing to manage my mood levels to manage the suffering helps me live with the pain. I do things like meditation (which I suck at) and biofeedback (not sure it works) that I hope might make some impression on me. I listen to music, do mild exercise, work on a hobby I am passionate about… all things to boost mood.
I lack hope in medications because I have had such little success in them. Because when I was younger you believe what neuros say and believe they will work so much more than studies ever indicate. I know the reality and live the reality. So I understand there could be some improvement but it will be modest at best if I am lucky. I understand I have worked my way through the best of them and they didn’t work so the chances are slim I will have much success there. However, I have had recent modest success with one in regards to migraine associated vertigo (vestibular symptoms) and that in itself is very beneficial to me.
So I have hopes that other treatments, complementary treatments might reduce my migraines slightly. If not then I hope I will learn new ways to manage to suffering. And hopefully improve my quality of life.
In the end people migraines change. Sometimes unpredictably. It is not unheard of for them to become less frequent as we get older. They peak in the 30’s so hoping soon they will maybe begin to taper of a bit on there own. You just never know. I certainly hope I am on of the ones that when I hit menopause I get less afterwards.
But right now…