Alternate topic for today post 14: “Reflection” video Mulan
Partly we are aware this segment from the movie is about perception. About labels. How we may feel we do not match up to the labels imposed on us, whatever those labels are imposed on us. Mother, child, sibling, co-worker, worker, housewife, spouse, citizen. Whatever they are we may feel that we may not meet the standards others have of us due to our illness. There may be a lot of stigma we face as a result. A lot of misunderstanding. A lot of conflict that we try to resolve but cannot be resolved due to the lack of insight others have about our invisible disability.
Conversely we can also have other labels applied to us like ‘disabled’ that have a lot of stigma when it comes to other people.
Another facet to this is the fact that we ourselves have expectations. We believe the very same things about all those labels. So we have expectations of ourselves that exceed our capacity. And when we fail to meet those expectations in Any way we inflict upon ourselves a vast amount of guilt. In this way we fail to see who we Really are. Instead we see this illusion of who we feel we Must be, but cannot be and maybe never could have been. Certainly cannot be. And forcing ourselves to try and fit our own ideals just makes things worse on ourselves. We need to give ourselves a major break. We get enough stigma from others without internal stigma. Which essentially is what that comes from. When we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves or preconceived notions of what we should be or negative notions of what we are if we are forced to becomes disabled, then we are basically inflicted internal stigma on ourselves.
Also though their is always a sense that we with chronic illness have an innate sense of dualism because of how we feel inside and how we can actually be. I may look young, look healthy or as the saying goes ‘but you don’t look sick’… yet I am. I feel quite a bit older than I physically look. I cannot do all the things I may think I can. I certainly cannot do all the things someone my age can. I have do do things with all do care and attention, with preparation, with moderation and with limitations. But I have no appearance of being disabled.Never quite matching our inward feeling and perception of self. Their is the pained self. The physical self. And the person we intrinsically feel that we are. None of those may match up well all the time.
Day #1 post “What would you do if your dream of a totally pain- and symptom-free life, came true?”
Day #2 post “Bed of Clouds poem to ponder”
Day #3 post “Recurrent dreams”
Day #4 post “Still I Rise”
Day #5 post “Monsters”
Day #6 post “Ways to raise awareness.”
Day #7 post “What I do for Awareness”
Day #8 post “Do not forget to live”
Day #9 post “What fear can teach us.”
Day #10 post “Twilight is the best light.”
Day #11 post “dream a little dream”
Day #12 post “Who moved my cheese”
Day #13 post “Faces of Migraine”