That facade: how worn it gets

When someone tells me to smile through the pain

There is an aspect of fake it till you make it about the chronic pain facade. That is that we fake dealing with it until we do deal with it. That is to say, we may not always believe we can deal with the pain and work for example. But we are damned good at this facade business. We have this stoic facade of well-being Down. So we plant that on our faces, throw in some humor, and just Pretend we are all good… until we are all good. Somehow along the way convincing ourselves that in fact, yes, we can do this.

But that isn’t always true because sometimes we just fake it and the pain gets the best of us because the pain exceeds our coping. Sometimes we have to fake it because the situation dictates we not scream or act in any way in distress… like work. And so we do, but the fact remains, due to lack of treatment, we really are not handling the pain well at all. And no one can tell because, damn, we can fake it That well.

So the facade benefits us and hinders us. It is a social construct after all. We use it because we feel that we must. And if, if, we are coping decently it is not, necessarily, a bad thing assuming we are able to communicate with the people in our lives that need to know about our pain. Which is not always the case. Or has not been in my experience. I am stoic, even when I should not be. Even when talking to my doctor. It can be difficult to drop after decades of automatically having it in place. It is, however, a bad thing if we are not coping well and are, also, not communicating this.

I begin to loathe it a bit. This faking it for the sake of society only to be doubted by that society. Only to be made more invisible. And all the while I am suffering so very much just trying to hold it together. And really, I’m not. I’m not handling it at all. But putting on a face for them.

You can't see my migraine pain.I mastered hiding it long ago. For you. All of you.And in return_Your judge me for looking awesome and rocking my hat.You don't look in pain, you say..png

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