I saw a comment today that irks me. Someone posted “Suicide doesn’t take away the pain, it gives it to someone else.” Which, frankly, I do not like as it is because it makes the person who is suicidal feel blame and guilt for a problem that is difficult and complex. When in fact, when they are suicidal they often feel everyone would be better off without them and would get through the grieving process in time… whereas their pain is endless.
But that is not my problem because it is a true statement even if I do not like it. It is true it takes away pain from one, and gives it to many others. It is a painful and true fact.
What bothered me was a remark that stated suicide was a ‘long-term solution to short-term problems’.
For two reasons:
a) they do not comprehend the depth of despair a person is in. The problems seem endless. They seem insurmountable. Like the suffering will last forever. And there is no hope. No point in existing. You can’t tell them otherwise because their reasoning is twisted by the depression itself. I’ve done it before… just every thought can be turned negative. Everything lost to darkness. Or numbness. Nothing is enjoyable. And you want to say ‘Hey no biggie… this is only a situational issue that you’ll totally get over.’? Well, unless they only have situational melancholy… no, they won’t because depression is not situational. They will find bad, horrible things about their existence even if nothing of import is happening in their lives for you to say ‘you’ll get over that’. Unless you think the depression is a short-term problem? In which case, sometimes it is years… sometimes it is decades… sometimes it is a life long disease. Sometimes it goes and then comes back again.
b) some of us have long term problems, like chronic pain, that we know for a fact will never end and strongly suspect will not improve with age. Is it incomprehensible for people to understand that some people suffer all the time? We endure all the time? And sometimes we get damn depressed about this. And this core issue, the pain, can never be resolved. What then? Because the long-term solution to long-term problems sort of begins to make sense doesn’t it. You begin to at least get the point. We have to not commit suicide and Yet Also learn to live with Suffering. And that, my friends, is the difficult part. Dying is easy, living is hard.
Anyway, depression is a beast they do not understand. Some of us have long-term problems. And there are never going to be any solutions to them. Ever. And if that isn’t depressing, I don’t know what is. That is why we are at a higher risk of depression with chronic pain and chronic illnesses. Go figure. It isn’t sunshine and rainbows for sure. And then we have the illness and the pain And the damned depression. Which just makes it that much harder to deal with.