My depression is correlated with my chronic pain. That is how it came to exist but I am on medication for it and seeing a psychologist for it.
I feel that it inhibits the treatment for my chronic pain. All the things I need to do for the chronic pain my depression, well, don’t agree with.
It tells me to be hopeless. That nothing will change. That the pain will last forever. That when I am in high pain… that existence isn’t even worth it. That a pained existence isn’t worthwhile. That this life is pointless. Then it tells me I can’t do a damn thing about it. That it simply will never go away. And the facts support this because the pain is chronic. However, it Enhances this. Because of course, we can do things to hopefully improve and manage the pain. Yes, it is indeed chronic, but we want to manage, cope and improve to any degree we can. And I have this broken record telling me that it is pointless to even put in any effort.
Then when I think I should put in the effort (because logically I know there is verifiable research on the things in my lifestyle changes that will indeed have the potential to improve my pain management) well I am too damn tired and completely lack the motivation to do anything about it. I sort of try and then the effort to engage in reality to any extent is beyond me.
I have to do what I have done in the past. The routine of Doing benefits with motivation. Just doing even if it is for 5 minutes. Motivation is very much about engagement. Fake it to you make it. I used to do this at work all the time. Just pretend you are happy, engage and do it… until it happens. Exercise, even a little, until you can establish a routine. Do the things you used to enjoy until you enjoy them again. Act. Move. Do. Lack of motivation is this soul-sucking beast that just drains you of all potential to succeed in your goals and aspirations. But I need to have these health goals in progress because the pain needs to be managed. This is very important to me. Pain not managed, means depression isn’t managed. It is a damn endless cycle of crapola. And depression tricks you into getting sucked into its warm blanket of numbness and who gives a damn anymore.
So I have to come to terms with how the depression is affecting me. And slowly compensate for that.
- leisure activities
- watch my cognitive thought patterns
- distract from the high pain
- exercise- slow to start
- meditation- every day.
- gratitude journal