When people ask me how I am feeling 99% of the time I am lying. I often say ‘not bad’, because I feel it is slightly more honest than ‘good’ or ‘fine’. Got sick of fine. Anyway, I lie for many reasons.
I’m having a good pain day:
They happen and I’ll say that I’m good, fine, not bad. I even feel like I can accomplish great things… in moderation. In which case, relatively speaking, for Me I am not actually lying. This is a Good pain day, it is Not Bad for me and I am Fine with it.
I just don’t want to explain:
I just don’t want to explain how crappy I feel and in which way I mean. Because I am tired of it. I just want to deal with it, without having to discuss it, mention it or have any sympathy expressed about it. Because it can be complicated. It may be a migraine with specific symptoms. Maybe it is an FM flare though. Or both. And then I have to explain what it is because most people think my migraines are the main issue but I could be FM flaring like crazy or have severe allodynia. Also, I don’t really want or need sympathy. The ideas. The suggestions. I just want to get through the day.
I am straight-up lying:
I feel horrible, but I want to get through the day. It isn’t going to help me or you if I say how horrible I feel so I just lie, lie, lie. No one can do anything. I can’t even do anything. It isn’t going to help anyone and certainly not me to say how horrible the pain is, so I lie.
I just want to cope easier:
Sometimes it is easier to not talk about the pain and just cope with it. It is easier to smile and laugh and put on a facade to help myself cope. Dwelling on the pain, at all, ruins this mental game I have going on, that I need, to get through the day.
Other chronic illness posts:
Chronic illness and the art of pacing
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