I have been looking at my early posts and weeding through a lot of them. This was when I used my blog as a sort of cathartic journal. So I have been slowly getting rid of posts during that time. However, looking back at those posts over that long a time frame has made me realize a few things.
1) Side effects- We actually endure a lot of side effects. I had posts about horrible side effects from Lyrica, so i went off it for a time then back on tapering up slowly. I had side effects from meds causing weight gain, swelling, leg pain, foot pain dizziness, disorientation. Some I had no idea where side effects until I went off the medication and then Poof whatever it was disappeared. We have severe reactions to things like I did to NSAIDs causing a bleeding ulcer, which then caused an adverse reaction permanently to all NSAIDs and aspirin. We have tons of moderate side effects we just Deal with with our medications. Tolerate them because we hope said medication does something. We have side effects that are scary as hell, like Cymbalta with its suicidal ideation and intent with me.
2) If it is not one thing it is another: because often we have more than one chronic illness it just seems if it isn’t one acting up it is the other. When my migraines sort of were temperate for a few days my asthma went nuts. Then I had an ulcer to deal with. Then chest pains. Then the ulcer still wasn’t healed right. Then who knows? You get bronchitis. Then a FM flare up. Then the migraines get all brutal. It is just never ending. One post I was saying what a flare up, the next what a killer migraine and the next about how my asthma just wasn’t under control. I know what the issue was with the asthma Now… it wasn’t the asthma, I have reactions to triptans which cause heart issues and make me short of breath, make it hard to breath… which I mistook as asthma because I was new to asthma,
3) Weird symptoms- We can have weird symptoms that no one can explain that come from nowhere and then just go away. No test explains them. And they made no sense. My back pain that mimicked spinal stenosis was like that. It started, it seemed from a yoga injury. It lasted for well over 6-9 months. It was difficult to walk more than fifteen minutes without the pain then exponentially increasing. Had an x-ray and 3 MRIs. Nothing was seen. It must have been FM, the tingling I felt is a symptom of FM the location had worried the doctor given the type of pain I was feeling. Mimicked other conditions, yes, but must have been FM. Or random weirdness no one will ever be able to explain because it slowly diminished on its own. I have had a few of these in my life and they add it to the growing file but no one knows what they mean.
4) Worst of all the Impact: Tons of posts about killer pain levels. Missing work again and again and how this was affecting my work atmosphere and my boss getting upset, threatening and making me feel horrible. Post about how I couldn’t socialize and was becoming, or was in fact, a hermit. How it was just about surviving work so I could get home and suffer in peace. How tired I was. I know how depressed I was too but I rarely mentioned mood, just some general references to bad mood days… which were in fact severely depressive days.
It is pretty depressing really to read about like that.
What I have noticed about what has changed:
1) I have made an effort to have a social life.
2) I have made an effort to make lifestyle changes
3) I have lessened the impact by working part time
4) I have lessened stress at work
5) my perspective is more optimistic on the things I can do to lesson my suffering
6) my mood is significantly improved, due to lack of isolation and medication.
The rest sadly is the chronic illness lifestyle. I have maintained in some things though I’d say. Certainly my asthma is under control, since now I know it is triptans so I can’t use those as often or yeah I have serious issues breathing and chest pains.