coping with disability depression Uncategorized

In limbo

 

06-1

I am in a limbo of pain and depression. This place where I want to lay down and just not. Just Not. Every feel like you want to sleep for a thousand years? Yes. Or just not exist. Or aware you exist. Just want it to stop spinning… stop thinking. Stop doing.

I am in a funk still with the pain and the depression. I am stressed. And I think I need to go on a leave from work soon. Just don’t know if my spouse wants that. But it has to be soon. I keep tearing up unexpectedly when I think about the pain or about work. I keep getting surges of sadness and despair. Hopelessness. I feel like he doesn’t want me to go on a leave. It is making me distraught with me choices. I feel unstable.

I am tired of fighting and yet I will have to fight the insurance company. Go though all that hell again.Feels so useless with the way they look at my disability.

It would be nice if I could just Be for a bit. Just be in pain and rest. Without having to work. Without any stresses. Just be. Then maybe I could get a handle on these overly sensitive emotions I am having. This despair and hopelessness.

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