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Survive

i don't deserve this painbut I will survive this..png

While waiting for whether my appeal for long term I am in limbo but I am also not working while in limbo. I sued up the remainder of my holidays though. And I would like to say it is a profound relief to not be working when hit with these weather changing migraines at the same time as menstrual migraines. I was in a great deal of constant pain. It was messing my moods up substantially. And the only thing good about it was the capacity to sleep in the next day, because I couldn’t sleep at night and the fact I didn’t have to function through the pain out of the house where it would have been aggravated even more. Just to function with it at all would have been very difficult indeed. The level of fatigue with the pain has been immense.

The menstrual migraines are tapering off. They ended with a bang today though. I tried to treat the migraine with a triptan, which failed. Then I was hit with horrific nausea… and vomited and vomited. So no diner for me. Just too sick to even think about eating. I get a refill of my anti-nausea meds tomorrow.

It is all about survival though. How do we survive. What enables us to survive. Not working is enabling me to survive. Perhaps not financially, at all, and minor so if I get approved for long term… but mentally, emotionally and physically I will survive the pain I am in. And I want to survive. I certainly want to want to survive. When I am working and the depression literally takes over everything I don’t want to want to survive. I want to end the pain. I am still getting anxiety though because I worry about where I will be in a few weeks… surviving… or not surviving. All the compromises we make should enable us to have better lives and survive. Enable us to not exceed our limits. And manage the pain. Then the compromise is worth it. It means something then, even if it is brutally hard to make.

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