depression Uncategorized

Depression and its other symptoms

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I have been depressed for some time and am on medication for it. I have Major Depressive Disorder, or so I found our recently when I looked back at my psychologists letters. I must have known at the time but, well, depressed and in pain. Not great on the memory. So I have that. And a great medication that stops the horrible lows of that.

I have had this issue with mysterious weight loss, lack of appetite and intense fatigue.

But what if it is just the depression? It can cause weight loss. Lack of appetite. Fatigue, which added to my existing fatigue, would be intense. I am having sleeping issues of my normal primary insomnia to hyperinsomnia… and I know the hyperinsomnia is due to depression, it is one I remember from when I had my first depression bout when I was younger.

In fact with my first bout of depression which was around 18-19 years of age I did have a problem with appetite. And I did lose weight. I was at university and I gained the freshman five and weighted about 125 pounds. When I began to pay attention to the fact I was losing weight I weighed about 110 which I think was underweight. I also had the hyperinsomnia excessively. Slept through classes, meals, anything and everything. A lot of this though was due to my adverse reaction to anti-depressants… as in they make me worse. So I was depressed, I went on the med, I got significantly worse such that I barely got out of bed let alone ate.

Still I have to acknowledge that depression has other physical symptoms. It is likely the reason my FM pain has been worse as well.

It isn’t all about what is going on emotionally or the thought patterns you have, which are important. It is the physical aspects as well. So reminding myself to eat even when I do not feel hungry. Reminding myself to do things I feel I have no motivation or energy to do. Reminding myself to exercise even through this fatigue. Reminding myself to maintain the same sleep cycle, because without That the migraines will flare up majorly.

It is hard to say how long this will last. It is been around since 2007 or so. My first suicide attempt in 2010. By now I suppose they would call it chronic depression. I wouldn’t though. It has in there subsided to a milder depression and then gone back to the deeper depression, fluctuating. For example when I was off work for two years it was mild. When I returned to work it got worse pretty fast. Because to some extent it is correlated to my pain levels. When I find a way to work from home, it will be well managed and maybe then I will get out of this bout. I read that having had 2 makes me likely to have a 3, but no guarantees. Also makes me more likely to have what I have right now… a longer bout.

I keenly remember the one in my youth though. Having it. And then working to get out of it. And being free of it. So I know it can end just as suddenly as it descends. I just didn’t have all the pain I have now to deal with or the added stress of working with that significant pain. Being prone to it apparently triggers it under those conditions.

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