New Years but not a new nothing


I celebrated New Years with a bang. Like every single New Years for about a decade now. Bang bang in the brain ball. Sort of makes it anti-climatic really. What would be really suprising is if I didn’t have a migraine. I would be like it is a sign of a good year! And the next day Bam a migraine. What a let down that would be. Better to get all that business out of the way right straight. This will be the same as always, says my brain emphatically.

I did get the fireworks though even though I didn’t ‘officially’ see them. My brain comes up with fantastic fireworks. Far better than the real thing. Not nearly as noisy for one thing. And the colors! Well, I don’t even think colors like that exist sometimes. This particular light show was my usual one but it never bores me. It is my persistent migraine aura actually. It was an arch of pixilated lights across both eyes, warping and shifting downward over the left side of my vision. Sometimes it just stays in the upper field. Sometimes it forms a C down the side. This time above and a C down. Curling down and up and down and up. The top part of the arch shifting down and up and down and up. Slowly it takes over more of the left side of my vision, closing more inward. Then as the firework show progresses pulses of color flash in the middle of my vision. Puffs of yellow, effervescent blue and a shade of indigo I have never seen in real life before.

That is a light show! Never before seen except in front of my eyeballs. One person showing.


Actually the migraine I had the day prior was a 9 on the Richter scale of migraines so in that sense the migraine I had New Years of a 6 was quite better in comparison to the laid out pool of suffering the day before. A six is bad. But laid out next to a 9… not so bad, eh?

We didn’t do anything for New Years this year. I didn’t influence my spouse’s choice. He didn’t feel up to anything. I let him decide that and sighed in profound and utter relief when he didn’t want to go. Had he wanted to do the thing he was offered… I simply would have ushered him out the door with a ‘have fun!’ because when you have a migraine fireworks and alcohol and loud people are Not the solutions to That.

Nevertheless, I made a resolution to not have migraines in the future. And broke it the next day. I was firm about it but my brain disagreed for some bizarre reason I cannot fathom. It simply must get all overexcited about stimulus and makes me suffer the consequences. I say, it is just wee change in the weather, settle down but it gets all hyped up about it. I say it is a little bit excessive on its part that it does this every single day and I even punished it with Botox but it won’t settle down. The Topamax seemed to dumbify it a bit but it is still rather overexcited.


As it is me and ‘softyskin’ are curled up together on the couch getting through another wicked bad day migraine and horrendous fatigue. I managed to get up although it was a long struggle. I managed to get dressed… a feat worthy of celebration I think. I managed to get to the couch. And that was that. Bloody bad migraine days. Lost days. As in a lost my capacity to do any damn thing I needed to actually do but wallow in pain.


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