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I am serious with that picture… a moment of pain is infinite sometimes. Take exercise for example. I am achieving my exercise goal. Exercise for me is a painful endeavor. I assume because of the hypermobility syndrome and my extra flexible joints that refuse to stay where they ought to. I do physio for that but, nevertheless, exercise is painful. And slow to improve. Maybe it is the muscle fatigue and fibromyalgia as well. Hard to say.

What happens is I start off on my exercise bike and in about two seconds I am in pain and then it increases exponentially until I am in a butt-ton of pain. I slow down to a crawl and time slows as well and it feels like I am going by teeny inches. All the while wondering what hell is this?

At first, two minutes. Yes, I succeed at two minutes. For the first two weeks I did 2-3 minutes. This was before my New Years resolution or I would still be at that point, of course. Let’s call that prep time, shall we?

Then one day 5 minutes! Holy smokes 5 minutes of infinite pain. But five whole minutes. Right at the New Year. I felt pretty impressed by this. The next day 3. But after that 5 again!

Then a mind-blowing 10 minutes. Wow. We are actually getting somewhere now. I think I broke a sweat. And here is where it gets interesting. Because after 7 minutes that infinitely painful excruciating pain? Numbs a wee bit. Down to not as bad of a pain. And that is how I get from 5 minutes up to ten minutes much faster than I did from 3 minutes to five minutes. It is like this threshold is crossed after a lot, a substantial amount of effort and pain. But that first 7 minutes? Never stops being insanely painful. I have to endure it every single time. It still took a bit to get to this point. But, I knew I could, because I have done it before.

Then slowly up to 15 minutes. Takes a bit because there is a lot of muscle fatigue going on here. I exercise in the basement and it is a sort of break time to even get up the stairs afterward.

Then ten minutes on Level 2 and five on Level 1. This was by accident but Damn I am amazed by this feat of awesomeness. And now that I can do it, I will continue to do it. It would build some resistance training in the muscle which I sadly need.

Anyway, my end goal is 30 minutes a day. And physio every second day. I was up to 20 minutes every second day before I returned to work and then, well, too much pain to handle that. Since I am not working I need to exercise simply to not decondition my muscles. As also part of my chronic pain management. So I am half-way to my end goal. Then from there establishing a routine. And hopefully improving on the goal.

What I hate about it, is that it is so damn painful every damn time. What I remember about the 20 minutes is that the start, as usual extremely painful, then it slumps for the middle, then it gets extremely painful again and that is where I know to stop. But I can’t get rid of the pain in the beginning, though. I assume the physio is designed to stop that. Strengthen my knee joints, but it hasn’t yet. It is just the physio I learned through the pain clinic and the place they sent me through my insurance. I am not sure they understand Hypermobility syndrome quite that well but I hope it will help if I keep doing that at the same time.

Also endorphins my ass. I don’t get that feel good crap from exercise. I think it might be because of all the pain. I do get a sense of accomplishment. It does help with cognitive fatigue though.

On the plus side, music does help with performance. I get further with music than without. Mostly because it is a pain distraction.

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