I’m always fighting this struggle between my limitations and my desires. Because my desires and goals do not align with my limitations. When I try to force them to, I suffer a great deal and often cannot function well at all. When I cannot function well my self-worth plummets because I feel worthless and useless. And ultimately a failure.
Conversely, when I align myself to my limits I feel quite good about myself and about my capacity to cope. I just don’t have dreams to align with this. Seeking out a dream, a job or a career to align with limitations is a personal goal of mine I hope to achieve. I figure I may have to make it myself since I cannot seem to find a niche. By doing so, hopefully, I can help others with the exact same goal.
The point is we do accomplish things when we are within our limits. We pace ourselves and move at a more methodical speed to get things done, but we do get things done. We rest to conserve energy, but people these days simply do not understand why rest is important in the day, we do. We manage our time. We say no to things when we are doing too much. We don’t push ourselves. And when we do this we manage a lot better.
We feel like we live in a cage. That everything is restricted and limited. I can’t work this job or that job. Or do this when I want to. Or go on that trip. But it is really that we have a different lifestyle. A non-hectic thought out and careful lifestyle that is adverse to too much stress.
Like many of us, I have to get used to the idea that some goals and things are off limits because of my health, whether I like that or not. And by getting used to that I am free to brainstorm ideas that are actual possibilities. I don’t want to live a life where I force upon myself a great deal of suffering because I feel that I must and as a result of that become horrifically depressed, have no self-worth and no hope for my future wellbeing. I want to find an alternative that will actually suit my lifestyle with illness and pain.
And all the best to all of us to achieve that balance between limitations and desires. It is a difficult one.