thinking some thoughts Uncategorized

Whimsical Wednesday

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So my spouse and I were looking at an old picture of us when I was 20 and he was 23. I’d show it to you but I’d have to scan it and, well, I am lazy right now.
Here is me around 21-22.

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I actually still have those pants. Use them for painting and things of that nature. I make things last, man, until they fall to threads. Until they become cool again. That there I am sitting on is an orange, burlap feeling couch my mom gave me. I bet it still exists as well somewhere… nothing could kill that thing. We were waxing nostalgic because I will be 40 this month, which means we have been together roughly 20 years. We are not precisely sure. But we think we got together a few months prior to my 21 birthday. I remember getting a gift anyway. So every birthday that rolls around I keep track of how long we have been together roughly from 20.  Likely out by a few months in there.

Anyway, we looked at the picture and he said someone in my community of health friends has said to him that I was lucky to have him that he knew all my health issues. He was there in the beginning. Indeed he was. When I met him I had undiagnosed Fibromyalgia and I was diagnosed that year. He stayed with me. I had my first migraine at 21, around three a month, not counting the menstrual migraines which I didn’t know were migraines until years later.

These were good times for me. I was actually coping with the FM well and succeeding in my studies. The migraines were episodic so responded super well to triptans. When a triptan only half worked I took two Advil and an ultra Tylenol and slept. Everything was manageable.  Except for summer jobs all of which were the wrong type of job for FM (standing for 8 hours, repetitive arm motions, lifting too much) and let to significant pain. So I knew what I could Not do from that experience I’ll tell you that. We had a fine social life at the level I could handle, which is more than I can handle now.

Hell, even in the picture I don’t have sunglasses on. Pretty strange for these days with either sunglasses or tinted specs.

So I know you can be chronically ill and fulfilled in all aspects of life with well developed coping strategies. I had learned the hard way, before I met my spouse how to cope with the FM, but I did learn. I was there though. I remember it well. I was coping well.

But as this story happens to go the pain got worse. FM actually got worse. But the migraines, well, that was a home run of pain. That is when coping strategies fail. Mood plummets. You can’t function and push to try and fail. You self-worth tanks. And everything crumbles to pieces. So I also know too much pain is deadly and you cannot function with it.

This isn’t a holy that went downhill fast post or my spouse is awesome post (he is). But a post about potential migraine treatments in the future that could turn back the clock and bring up back to episodic and manageable episodic… not high episodic that is actually as bad as chronic statistically that they are basically alike. Yes, I am talking CRPG research. I have all my hope on that working amazingly well. It likely won’t work as well as I want it to… but a girl can dream, can’t she? 3 to 4 years more and we will find out I guess.

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