leisure and social

Growing pains #MHAM #MHAMSMC

How has Migraine or Headache affected your family?

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The pain may be mine to feel but it has a radius and touches all those around me, and likewise impacts them. In so many very important ways.

  1. I think having a chronically ill daughter is something that you always have to deal with. Hell, when I was younger I was constantly going to doctors and getting tested. Helping with doctors appointments to drive me now. Helping with money when the insurance companies totally screw your daughter over. Helping with moral support when treatment is failing and motivation for other sorts of treatment ideas. Getting her out of the house when it seems isolation is kicking in. And her pain is your pain. To see that suffering that you can do nothing about, that you know profoundly impacts them, hurts. At least this is what I think my mom knows about being a mother with a daughter with chronic migraines and fibromyalgia. I know I hate to see her with her peripheral neuropathy issues left over for chemotherapy and her other pain issues. No one wants loved ones to suffer. And see that and know there is nothing to be done about it. But you know that you will always be there for them.
  2. With my spouse when my migraines were at their worst and I was depressed (MDD), I didn’t want to do anything or leave the house or function, aside from work. So we were hermits. My pain made him as isolated as I was. And I regret that. So I am glad a few years back I crept out of that cave and started engaging more. For his sake as much as mine, because I understood isolation isn’t good, even for introverts. We can obviously have a great deal more alone time, but we still need people and interaction.

In other ways I try my best not to impact my socializing with my family because that is Important to me. Migraine or not, I am there on birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas or whenever. Because I Want to be. If I cannot have a migraine in the comfort of my mom’s home where can I have it aside from my own, am I right? I value that a great deal so I just set a line for myself on it.

I think back in the day, 2010, I hurt them all a lot with my suicidal ideation and actions. That I wanted to so desperately escape from the pain as much as I did. I was on a medication that increases suicidal thoughts and actions (Cymbalta) and apparently for me all those class of meds do that, but besides that I was depressed to begin with so it really kicked that in gear. And I think it hurt everyone that I had those thoughts. Yeah, the medication was causing a lot of that. But depression and pain do cause the ideation, which isn’t as serious and a lot of people with chronic pain have… just not the Intent. The medication gave me the intent. The whole thing was an eye opener for them I think. It wasn’t for me, because I hide a lot about what I am enduring. So others do not know I am suffering. But when that happened, everyone knew I was suffering. Perhaps a good thing in that sense. But it caused them a massive amount of pain, and I don’t think I forgive myself for that part yet.

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2 comments

  1. Such an honest post, though I do think you’re being too harsh on yourself and do need to forgive yourself for past regrets when dealing with pain and the suicidal aspects. You were hurting, and none of your loved ones would want you to feel guilty for what you went through or feel you put them through, they will just be glad to still have you. I have found my conditions to be incredibly isolating, so I can empathise there. It’s hard, but you deal with it the best you can and you learn..xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, that is true. But it does indeed have a horrible impact of family as well. As well as me at the time as well. But your right you get through it the best you can and cope from there.

      Liked by 1 person

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