Chronic pain.png

I am really unwell today. Right now. It is a convergence of pain. A pain tornado. Painordo.

It all began with this surge of back pain. I did go to a walk-in clinic for it after taking some OTC muscle relaxants, which unfortunately made me excessively tired. So didn’t get there as fast as I wanted to. That ruined my day right there. He gave me a better muscle relaxant, and this one doesn’t seem to cause that side effect so I will be able to work with it. He seems to believe my delayed recovery with this stupid back issue is because of my fibromyalgia. Figures. Anyway, acute migraine flared up. And neck pain, likely from all the back pain and adjusting to that. And then chest pains, which I still have no idea what is causing those. Maybe fibromyalgia chest wall pain. This is still going on as I write. And dizzy spells. Just extremely unwell.

I completely ruined my day by trying to fix my day by taking 2 of those OTC muscle relaxants. Couldn’t do a damn thing after that. Had to wait it out. So ticked off about that. And then the migraine, likely caused by the fact I have been taking said muscle relaxant all week in one a day to manage work. And… rebound migraine.

Painordo. And very, very Paingry.

paingry_The emotional state of anger caused by long term pain. And being in intense pain and damn angry about it..png

So day ruined. In a lot of pain. Angry about it. Can’t do anything about being angry about it. I do have the muscle relaxant to handle the back pain so that it can recovery. And do some back stretches. And use heat. Will do. Chiropractor didn’t work out for me, as it flared other fibromyalgia pain, so that was unpleasant. Heat. Stretches. And muscle relaxant. One that doesn’t completely comatose me. Fine. Whatever.

But a crapton of pain in one day? Yes, yes, that is normal. But not in excessive amounts. It was like a super flare.

I admit I don’t handle being paingry very well. All day I was dopey. Drowsy and fundamentally useless. And it took a bit to shake that med off. By the time I did and that wicked after migraine kicked in… that is when I got angry at the pain of it all. I don’t know what to do with that anger. There is nowhere to direct it. Nothing I can do about it. I get being mopey. Having a suck pain day and doing some self-care to shake it off. Felt that way last week really. Sort of down because of the extra load of pain due to this back issue and then the triggered neck pain. Mopped. So I picked up a book and read. Had a couple nice baths that week. You know, just tried to chill. Anger though. I just get so pissed I am fundamentally Useless. I get it is just a short duration. I get that This is temporary pain, just temporarily adding to my pain count. But it is affecting my sleep. It affect Work today. And that is uncalled for, man, totally uncalled for. Which is why I got my damned self to that doctor, even if he was just a walk-in doctor. Damned if I am going to put up with this a day more affecting things. See? Ranty. Angry.

I need to chill. I need to get some actual sleep tonight. Damn Painordo.

That being said, we have a right to get ranty and paingry sometimes. It IS infuriating that pain affects things that matter to us and interferes with our lives. It is totally normal to be frustrated and angry. Irritable. I just try to keep it inside and not externally take that out on others. Because it is just my reaction to the pain in the moment, and not their fault. I am pretty good at separating the two. My anger, frustrations and irritation and other people and their actions. I tend not to act out against them due to my emotions. So that is good. Although, I admit, a migraine on the weekend had me hunkered down with ice on my forehead and neck, reading a book and avoiding all conversation except very brief comments. Because the pain was high and communicating at that moment, might not have gone well. So just avoid human contact at those times you know your irritation at the pain might leak out.

I am so finished with this whole damn day. Tomorrow will be better because I have the medication the manage it. If that then triggers a migraine, I’ll deal with it, as I deal with them all. Best get the back pain under control first.

Hope you all had a better day than me! Lower pain and a better mood!

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