We are coming up on the end of Pain Month. And pain month it was indeed for those of us with chronic pain. But it is a month to spread awareness about chronic pain. But here are somethings I feel like I can’t really explain:
- I can’t explain non-function intolerable pain to someone who has never experienced functional tolerable pain as an existence. Has had to deal with pain on a constant level on a daily basis. I can’t seem to explain the power of intolerable pain. The profound impact of it.
- I can’t seem to explain the profound relief I feel when high pain of the intolerable sort ends and I am back to ‘tolerable’ pain. Not like my levels of pain are joyful to experience daily but coming out of a bout of intolerable pain is such a profound relief. I can’t explain that.
- I wonder if I can fully explain how very fatiguing pain is. How draining tolerating pain every day really is. That constant physical drain. That constant mental distraction.
- From the amount of advice I get I guess I cannot fully explain the amount of things I do just to exist with pain on a daily basis. My actual pain management. Which is complex, certainly. But I guess I don’t explain that well from the amount of people telling me I need to take Advil and have a nap.
- I also suppose when I tell people there is no cure, they cannot quite accept that. Surely there must be. If I just did the right things. Or stopped doing others. So I can’t explain that I have a level of acceptance that this pain is my existence and I have to live with it. Unless an actual cure wanders along, in which case, I am all for that.
- It is hard to explain that I am not actually miserable. That I laugh and joke and have a good time… while being in pain. To a certain point of course. And of course, naturally, pain does cause immense frustration, anger and mood issues. Not saying That doesn’t happen. Because that does happen. People get that. But they assume I am in no pain at all when I am in a good mood, which is odd, because the pain doesn’t stop dependant on my mood.
- And I certainly can’t seem to express the fear I have over the instability pain causes in my life. It always has impact and that impact is never good. But the instability is something I fear. What if that pain management I have now ceases to work? What then?