I know it is because I have been just so fatigued lately. But I had that thought I get sometimes when I am in pain. This ‘this is so damn endless. I never get a break. It will last forever. This sucks. Poor me. I cannot stand it. I just want a damn day off but I can’t have one’ rant/whine/rant
You ever get days like that?
Where your brain goes ‘oh yeah, by the way, this pain will Never Stop. And it will last forever. Sucks to be you.’
I am usually in a lot of pain or really fatigue when this ‘realization’ of just, well, fact hits me. And I don’t welcome it. I am already in a boatload of pain or so exhausted from handling the pain I need a time out. I don’t need my brain telling me what a suckfest chronic pain is. I am well aware of it.
Sort a pity party for one deal then. Because then I am like yeah, this does suck. I am tired. I am in immense pain. And off to work I go. In what world does this make sense? Then I tell my brain to shut the hell up and let me just cope with the pain. Day by day preferably without thinking about the Endless Forever Abyss in front of me of Pain Days to Come.
It is like my brain feels this irresistible urge to remind me that I have chronic pain in the worse way possible and at the worse time possible.
Me: Man, I have some high intense pain going on for three days.
Brain: This pain is Endless. You will suffer forever. Even when the intense pain ends, your pain will never, ever, ever, never end. Did I day Never? Because I meant to. Pain to infinity and beyond!
Me: Gee, thanks. Just what I needed to hear.
This, my friends, is why I like to live day by day. So as to not think about all that future pain. I just want to think about This pain. Then when tomorrow comes That pain. That makes it easier to cope with. And think about. In little chunks of time and coping. Now if my stupid brain would get on board with this plan it would be great.