I have been feeling really out of it lately with these vestibular migraine causing confusion and disorientation. It seems like whatever I try to do I do it wrong, because I am all befuddled. I can’t read. I can’t do simple tasks. I have missed too much work. I can’t drive. I keep forgetting really simple things like what I was doing or my phone number, or what I did. Right now it is moderate and writing this is hard enough but when it is severe, I can’t even write which is my primary pain distraction.
In other words I feel useless. I feel guilty for being useless. I try to do things and only mess them up. Because I am way too confused to function. I try to do all the things that should help: supplements, meditation, medication. Nothing is sorting it out. Even and ER trip didn’t work. My doctor can’t help and is sending me back to the neuro and for a CAT scan none of which solves the problem quickly. So I am stuck feeling useless and guilty and crappy.
So then I think I can’t actually control this. And maybe I should be a little kinder to myself instead of thinking because I can’t function right now that somehow makes me worthless. And that because I can’t function I should feel guilty about being sick. I can only do what I can do to manage my condition as I normal do, when vestibular migraine gets out of control it isn’t my fault. I shouldn’t blame myself or punish myself like it is.
I should be a little kinder to myself. I should get that extra sleep I need. Take that long hot bath with Epsom salts for magnesium. I should rest if I need to rest, without feeling guilty about it. I should understand that I can’t do much with vestibular migraines.
Because it is stressful and I am extremely worried these are not going to get better soon. Bouts can be short. They can be long. It is unpredictable. And it frightens me. I don’t want the income instability again of having to go on leave like my doc wants. She said I never should have gone back to work. That I should be on leave now. But the insurance company disagreed and I can’t not work without some sort of income from insurance, so I had to go back to work.
- So we have a massive amount of stress and worry all the time with chronic illness. De-stressing is a extremely good idea. I strongly recommended some form of meditation. Be kind to that mind.
- And we have to rest when we need it. Fatigue levels can get high. Pain can get high. Or other symptoms like vertigo can get high. And we need to take them time to rest. And understand it is important to our bodies to do so. Be kinder to our bodies.
- And on bad days go to bed early and get that extra sleep. You’re not going to regret getting some extra sleep. Be kinder to the yourself tomorrow by going to bed early.