The weather of chronic illness is very unpredictable. We get fair weather and we think Finally I got things slightly sorted out a bit. Then in sweeps a storm of random symptoms to knock you on your butt. Or a tornado of pain. Or a torrent of fatigue. You are bombarded and sinking. There goes the balance you had established, or were trying to.
It makes it difficult to make plans, certainly. We all know that. Make a plan and then the day comes and it is horrible. I tend not to make them. Or I go to events that require very little drive time. This is the time of year where I am invited many a place and I have to make Choices. Drive time. Noise factors. Migraine triggers. Cost. And all that factors into the likelihood I will go to that event, because it could be a Good day or a Bad day, and factors can make a Good day a Bad day, and a Bad day a Miserable horror of a day. Or canceling a plan.
But life in general is difficult. Just Life in General. Like having a Job. Not a career but a Job. Just trying to maintain work is effort beyond measure. You think, well, I am maintaining and this seems like it is working. You think of things you can tweak to make it better. You are in pain. You are fatigued. You do have troubles concentrating. It is difficult. But you feel you are somewhat maintaining. On a basic level. Some of us full-time. Some of us only part-time. Some of us working from home.
Then something happens. Things get worse, in whatever way that may be. And suddenly we are not maintaining. We are not able to focus. We are missing work. We have troubles getting to work or driving. When we are there we are not productive (presenteeism). Suddenly it is all a struggle and we have no idea if this is Temporary or the New Normal. No idea how long it will Last if it is temporary and what it is going to affect in the time it is around… your performance? Your relations with your co-workers or boss? Who knows? No idea if you will have to go on leave which will then affect your income stability. And if you are like me, you don’t need any of that happening.
It is chaos. We want stability. We get chaos.
That is where I am at right now with this vertigo, disequilibrium and dizziness.
I am trying to stay calm about it. I have a ride to work, because my spouse used his holidays so I could have a ride to work for the week. I have a short week. Problem is the dizziness and lightheaded feeling make it hard to concentrate and think at work and I don’t feel Productive or Focused. Not even mentioning the sudden spinning and the disequilibrium (sudden falling sensations, moving sensations, feeling like the ground is moving/falling). I hope it dissipates this week because I have no way to get to work After that. I could ask my mom but this is ridicules… depending on others because I cannot drive.
So other than be calm in face of the storm what can a person do? I feel like panicking.
Our brains try to find viable solutions but these problems are not things we can control. We cannot control these storms of health issues that worsen our lives in specific ways. We cannot predict how it will impact our lives. We can only choose how we will react to it. We can only suffer the consequences of it… and there are always consequences. Consequences to not functioning well enough. Consequences to going on leave. Unpleasant consequences because of a storm we had nothing to do with.