Perks to vertigo? Not so much

Vestibular migraines or whatever vertigo hell I am in has some pretty interesting perks that you would never think of because it sucks so very much. So looking really hard on the bright side of things I found a few…

1. I get the fun of an amusement park ride without the ride! Spinning and falling! Spinning! Falling! I actually don’t like amusement park rides and the nausea this causes is sadly regrettable. The fact people pay for these sensations amazes me.
2. I get to use a cane! So if someone else comes along who is also using a cane this Could lead to a cane fight of epic proportions. Also I can poke people with it, however, I may also fall over.
3. I can spontaneously curse! When I get a drop attack which is caused by a sudden profound falling sensation, leading to suddenly needed to grab onto well anything and why I have resorted to the cane… I always curse. ‘Whoa! Fuck!’ And you would too if the ground was suddenly just not There. This causes a lot of hilarity because no one else can see the ground falling away or feel the earthquake.
4. I am no longer required to think! I am not sure if this is a perk, but it certainly is a result. I was trying to think of posts today but since I can’t do anything and I can’t think this is all I came up with. It leads to a sort of zoning out and failure to function. Blob brains.
5. I get to experience an earthquake without actually ever having experienced an earthquake, but I imagine the earth slides, falls, trembles… like it always does now for me. So sort of a non-destructive to my property or life experience of what it might feel like.
6. I get to slide down the stairs like I was a kid again! But I forgot the cardboard. And it really, really hurt. And it was less a slide and more a fall. Okay, I avoid stairs when the vertigo is severe now.
7. I get to walk like I am drunk, but I am sober! Thus fooling people into thinking I am drunk all the time. Uh. Not cool. I don’t like this one.

And why they suck: