Boldly going where no cure has gone before

I have been reviewing old posts to add featured pictures to them and do some editing and I have learned a few things about myself along the way.

While I am boldly going where cures fear to tread, I seem to be traveling in a bit of a circle here. Round and round we go, and no progress made.


Things I have learned from my posts

I should not commute to work.

I say it.

A lot.

And then I go and Do it. And massive vestibular migraine hell happens. Over and over. Like I forget it happened. Like is happening now.

I can’t work.

I say it.

A lot.

Then I go and Do it. And massive symptoms happen. And I cannot cope. Over and over. Like I forget it happened. And my doctors, specialists, and psychologists have all said you can only work from home a little bit. But no, I return to work like a dumbass. (Okay, the fault lies with my insurance company, but still, I am repeating the same mistake.)

I say I am going to find some remote work.

I say it.

A lot.

But then I don’t do it. Mind you, not much on the Canadian side of things. I do pick up some freelance stuff from time to time. But not enough. I need to sustain myself.

I say I am doing well.

I say it.

A lot.

And yet, shortly after I prove I am doing very, very not well indeed. Because I am very good at denial and lying to myself.

Working through a migraine_ Yeah, me too. No advice. Just me too. Help.

I think this way is the way to madness. I think I need for some actually defined change here. Obviously, regarding my work situation. When I recover from this vertigo bout, whenever that is, something is going to have to actually Change this time.

8 thoughts on “Things I learned from myself

  1. This made me chuckle because I do this a lot too – say I’m not going to do something and do it, over and over and make things worse, or that I’m going to do something but then not follow through with it. You’re not alone in needing to make changes, but I think recognising the issue is a good starting point! x


    1. I hope so. It is a hard thing to change when part of it isn’t in my control. I am still waiting on my short-term for example. Can’t control insurance companies


  2. I lost my temper at work yesterday: just snapped. I have been signed off work by my GP today for a week with a phased return to work over the next month. So refreshing to see the words you wrote, like you were reading my mind! sorry you have to endure your pain. thanks for your thoughts.


  3. Wow, all of these were right on the nose! Almost too close for comfort, but just like support communities on social media, it’s oddly encouraging to read something like this from someone else who “just gets it.”

    As you mentioned in another blog post, I believe our societies have no idea how to deal with the chronically ill and make us feel guilty for having diseases we’d give just about anything not to have. Thank you for this blog. It’s a wonderful lifeline and source of affirmation. I wish all of our life circumstances were different but at least others understand!

    Liked by 1 person

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