Ways to survive chronic migraines

So chronic migraines are brutal. I have a migraine every day and lately have been stuck in a vestibular migraine bout. So how do you survive all the symptoms and the pain? I have some ideas.

Always wear sunglasses and hats

It is a migraine fashion statement. Yeah, people will think you are likely stoned and ‘hiding your eyes’ but screw ’em. Hell, wear them in the house too. Set a trend! Or wear the very cool Fl-41 specs. Then you can be cool and safe from the burning rays of the sun.

 

Never leave the house

This one requires you to become a hermit (see tips below). I totally rock being a hermit but it isn’t for everyone. I call those other people ‘extroverts’. But, yes, if you never leave the house then you always control your environment. Make it dark. Very dark. And quiet. *Quiet feature does not work if you have kids, sorry.

 

Destroy the sun

I’m working on it. My plan involves a Lot of ice. But then I was told it would ‘kill the entire planet’ and that seems excessive for just my photophobia.

 

Build a new robot body!

Once you figure out how to do this you just have to transplant your mind into its brain and Viola!  There is a small chance you might make it already conscious of its own self and when you put your mind in there as well it could lead to a mental battle for supremacy of the body. Just a warning.

How to Hermit if you go this method

Avoid sunlight:

Sunlight is evil, but besides that fact, if you avoid sunlight you will avoid 90% of people. In fact, if in contact with sunlight, squint, look confused and possibly scream.

Do not leave the house:

Your house is your cave. You can randomly heckle or rant at people that come to the door, in fact, it is recommended, but do not leave unless in dire need.

Do not answer the phone:

Let’s face it, if you are a good hermit, the only person calling is telemarketers anyway. If you do feel impelled to answer the phone, then feel free to engage the telemarketer in a random conversation about religion, politics, and anything that is highly opinionated.

Develop good ranting skills:

This is a necessary asset to any hermit. Get your rant on about anything, but mostly about ‘Those People’ and ‘The Man’ and ‘Others’.

Act crazy or confused when in contact with ‘them’ or the ‘others’:

This means basically anyone that is not like you. They don’t ‘get’ you and are possibly ‘against’ you.

All right I am not quite this intense yet. But I am honing my skills. Until this vertigo calms down I am pretty housebound.