I’m writing sick again, just not as sick as yesterday. I lay down for the whole day and so the nausea is well managed. There, but managed. And sitting up online is difficult because it is difficult to focus and read, but I can write.
So I want to talk about the Migraine day 3 challenge.
A person with Ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, based from a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed.
One of the sayings in our country is Ubuntu – the essence of being human. Ubuntu speaks particularly about the fact that you can’t exist as a human being in isolation. It speaks about our interconnectedness. You can’t be human all by yourself, and when you have this quality – Ubuntu – you are known for your generosity.
We think of ourselves far too frequently as just individuals, separated from one another, whereas you are connected and what you do affects the whole World. When you do well, it spreads out; it is for the whole of humanity.
What I really get from this is that people need people. We all need people.
My chronic pain has a radius and it affects everyone around me. People I love and people in my support network help me cope with the chronic migraine and chronic pain. I’m too sick to function right now and that means I need a lot of help. My mom is helping me financially. And my mom is helping me get to appointments because I cannot drive, and being driven still aggravates the vestibular symptoms. She is also my main support through this all. My spouse is stressed over finances and worried, but his stress makes me unlikely to ask more from him that he already gives. It has been a difficult time for both of us financially since I have been off.
Our disease does affect those around us in many ways. The stress. Financially. Emotionally. And we are dependent on many people in many ways. We can feel isolated, for sure, especially when things get so bad we just cannot do anything. But staying connected to the world is very important. And being defendant on others isn’t a negative thing. People care about us. We care about them. And asking for help when we need it is also never a bad thing. Support when we need and when others need it is a good thing. We all need support in different ways. We all should take care of each other and ourselves. And have compassion for the struggles we all have. And also, harder, some self-compassion for our battles.
I know sometimes with illness we see our friends doing great things, have careers, and be things we can never be. It doesn’t cause jealously from me, because I want them all to be happy in their lives. It does make sad from time to time, though, because I cannot be what I want to be. That potential that was me can never be actualized. I still mourn that, in many ways. But we can mourn that and still experience the joys of others.
And in the migraine community we see those who have managed migraines, or fewer attacks, and likewise we are happy for them. Our struggle doesn’t negate empathy. Our struggle doesn’t mean we can’t be happy for other successes in health or in life. And in the pain community we can empathize with all those that suffer in any way they suffer, even if that suffering differs from our own.
Which is one of the reasons I blog and run my page. We are suffering. We are one. We are the same. We should have a voice. And I want my voice to be among many others. A voice that helps explain the experiences we go through and ways we can cope with all that we go through.
And I truly believe we should never diminish the experience of suffering in others. Help lower the suffering, but not belittle or diminish their experience. To never silence the voice of another. ‘I am in pain’ is a real statement that expresses suffering. And maybe that pain isn’t relateable to your pain. Or your pain is something you perceive as worse. It is all pain. It is all suffering. Supporting others who are suffering is important. And we as a community provide so much help and support to each other.
It is all about supporting those who need it. In our lives. Those in our support network that help us. Or online when others need it.
I don’t know if I have this Ubuntu or you do. But I know we all have aspects of it. And I know as a whole we are stronger. And I know our support networks are a vital part of our existence. And I know people need people. I also know I am not thinking very clearly at the moment, so if this was a bit of a ramble, I am sorry for that.