I can’t believe it is already July and I still haven’t been working since last November. Time seems to pass infinitely slow when I am not working and then it just accumulates in some sort of hazy way to months and months.
Here are July’s prompts from A Chronic Voice.
I have been thinking a lot about the perception of pain and how it distorts life. And I have been adding some periods of time to read and write. Because they are very important to my wellbeing and self-worth. Even though I must take a lot of downtime in a day, while resting, I can still add these in a little. Before symptoms progress later in the afternoon. Days where I have to rest all day, just make me feel mentally and emotionally unwell. I have to add in there things that bring me contentment.
I was spreading migraine awareness for the month of June. And I found I could do so very little for it, since anything I do now takes considerable effort. And I could see how much others were doing and it made me a little sad at the lack of functionality I have. But we should never compare to others. We should only compare to ourselves. Is today better than yesterday? Then that is a good day if it is. If it isn’t… what do I need to do to take care of myself? And in this time of poor health, I have to focus on my well-being. However, I did spread awareness through posts and that was important to me.
We all deserve a bit of a rant now again, and I have recently been ranting. About debt incurred from illness. About financial instability. About my insurance company turning me down for short-term, and now having to appeal it. I get so angry I am in this situation. And it is so complicated it will take a lot of effort to resolve. And even then, I don’t know how I will survive. But anger takes effort, and while we earn a rant or two the anger isn’t sustainable and it tires us emotionally. But the one thing it does do? Is motivates us with plans of action. For that, I am thankful for a little ranting.
I feel like pain has taken too much from me. So now I am trying to protect what my spouse and I have. I am trying to protect my self-esteem and self-worth as well. I am trying to protect our lives and our wellbeing, even though I know so much will change.
I am very much right now in a frame of mind of divide and conquer. I have multiple things I have tried and will try to make my life somehow financially feasible. I have been attacking one problem at a time. Yet, nothing ever gets anywhere. And it is scary. But I knock down each task in a sort of determination… because I want to protect.
You know I wish I could focus these prompts on the rest of my life and what is going on… but what is going on is hermit mode and just trying to survive day by day.