Chronic pain: a story in quotes

Chronic pain: a story in quotes

You made me a, you made me a believer, believer
(Pain, pain)
You break me down, you build me up, believer, believer
(Pain)
Oh let the bullets fly, oh let them rain
My life, my love, my drive, it came from
(Pain)
You made me a, you made me a believer, believer

-Imagine Dragons

With chronic pain acceptance is hard to attain, for sure, and hard to Maintain.

We fall.

We just fall sometimes.

When the song Believer says you break me down. You build me up. It is accurate. Pain will break you. And it will also make you stronger in your broken places. You come out the other end and live to fight another day. And that makes us stronger than we feel we are. We feel weak, but this fight is one that makes you get through, endure, persevere, survive. We are strong. Because we must be.

And that is okay to fall, to break. Sometimes the pain wins. Some days we have to just rest and mentally and emotionally get through it. Just. Get. Through. It.

“No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side.

Or you don’t.”

― Stephen King, The Stand

We come out the other end. But sometimes when we fall, we fall hard. And dark thoughts swirl in our minds and drag us down. But we get through. Emotions pass with the storm. Dark and deep as they are, they pass with the high pain. And we get back up.

No one can understand the journey that is chronic pain. From one point. To the next. From being broken by the pain… and made yourself all over again. All I can say is it is easier to break than to make yourself again… that is a hard road. And no one understands unending pain and how it affects you. Not one understands the mental and emotional toll it takes to live day by day with it, knowing it will always be there, every day, every moment. No one understands our way through all those emotions and pain. They will never understand pain that endures. And how we have to deal with all that and not despair.

We can have acceptance and still fall. Fall into the depths of pain. Fall into despair. Fall into rage we have to exist like this. Fall hard. Fall fast.

And then… the light shines through. Pain lowers and there is profound relief. And you had made it through the crash or the high pain day. And you find your acceptance down a long arduous road of suffering. We build ourselves back bit by bit. And we accept. We know we have to live a life with this. Maybe a small life. Maybe a limited one. But we have to have some quality of life and

“Even for me life had its gleams of sunshine.”

― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

And we remember not every day is a bad day. Not every day will the pain win. Even for us, we have our gleams of sunshine. Yes, we look for those gleams of sunshine and hold them tight. We search for them. We need them. They are precious to us.

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.

We all break sometimes. We all fall sometimes. But that is where we gather our strength. That is where we find our strength. That is where pick ourselves up a fight.

What I want to say is that it is okay to fall sometimes. It is okay if we break. We can put the pieces back together inch by inch and we will be stronger in those broken places.

There’s always some reason to feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

…In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

Sarah McLachlan

Pain has broken me down a few times. And getting back up, well, that took longer. Still doing it I’d say. Looking for gleams of sunshine where I can. The things is we survived it. And in this world now, so against pain patients, many of us do not make it. I almost didn’t make it. Pain can break you, crush you and eat away at your sense of self. Destroy you.

But there is the light at the end of the tunnel. And you crawl towards it. And day by day you cope better until you reach your gleams of sunshine. And it can take a while to recover from a dark period of so much pain and so little hope.

When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you’re sure you’ve had enough
Of this life
Well hang on
Don’t let yourself go
‘Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it’s time to sing along
When your day is night alone (hold on)
(Hold on) if you feel like letting go (hold on)
If you think you’ve had too much
Of this life
Well, hang on

R.E.M

Hang on. You’re not alone.

If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it..png

I don’t believe being silent about our suffering helps although most of us are pretty stoic and do not mention it. This quote though reminds me of insurance companies. They are a special sort of hell to deal with. Be explicit about your pain. And even then, they may not care as your life crashes around you. So don’t be silent. And with the opiate epidemic, we can’t be silent about our pain. Nothing breaks a person more than unmanaged pain. And when they take the meds people need to survive? We have to fight for our right for proper pain management.

Other posts:

Self-imposed self-hate from being disabled

Chronic pain: fake it till you make it

7 lies of chronic pain

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5 comments

  1. Such an encouraging, honest post. You’re so right, we get stronger through the tough times and we get through them (a bit like my post today mentions) but there are other times when things get too much, when we have to bow out for a while, and it’s those times we need to remember “that is okay to fall, to break”  ♥
    Caz xx

    Liked by 1 person

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