Time for A Chronic Voice’s monthly link up and prompts!
This is the month of my birthday! I can’t say I am all that excited about it. Just too sick to muster up the energy to be excited. Also the month of my anniversary with my spouse. We are at 22 years together now.
I have had epic fatigue levels lately. It is the vertigo issue on top of the migraine and fibromyalgia issue. And, now, we are trying to sell our house to downsize and that meant some serious spring cleaning. And that caused more vertigo, vomiting, more fibromyalgia pain and flaring. And this muscle injury from my last vertigo fall just hurts like hell. So I have been really, really pacing what I need to do. And resting a lot. And I am fine with the level of rest I need right now. It is just what the vertigo does to you. Your brain has a hard time adjusting so it exhausts you. Just something I have to deal with at this time.
I think life with chronic illness is a constant personal education in coping mentally and emotionally. And I think that is how we persevere. It is also an education for those in our immediate world. Telling them our limitations, accommodations, and when things are too bad to function. I also had to explain chronic migraines. Mostly because people couldn’t comprehend it was possible to have them… and I must be doing something to make them so frequent. So I would have to enlighten them to the amount of people that end up with complicated chronic migraines. With fibromyalgia, well, that was tricky. Back in the day when I was diagnosed there was a lot of stigma around it. So after a bit, I just didn’t bother. Today there is actually more awareness. People know of it and know a few things about it so it is easier to explain that you can’t do something or need to pace or can’t do an event.
I am receiving a lot of help to manage things lately. My mom support is just so awesome because with the issue with insurance I had no income and she helped me get by. And that really helped with the immense stress of it all. She drives me to my appointments and that is a massive ask because there have been so many medical appointments lately. My dad, who recently moved to town, has also driven me to some. I need a lot of help with stuff lately. And it is difficult for me to do things. My spouse has helped with so many things when all I can do is rest. If not for my support network I don’t know what would have happened. I also received my CPP-D which is a relief because I do not have to appeal.
I’m not giving much of anything these days. Existing is about all I can do. It is difficult to blog and come up with any ideas even. I feel so brainless and tired all the time. But I can give my appreciation for all the help I get. I really value that people are helping me get through all this.
I am worried about this vertigo. How long it will last and will it last forever. My MRI came back with something off and I have an appointment about it in a week. I am worried. Very worried. And so stressed about so many different things. It has been a very stressful couple of years now. And so I have to make an effort to quiet my mind. I am prone to worrying Too much and ruminating and giving into negative thoughts. And I just do not want to. So I try to quiet the worrying because some things you just have no control over and just have to deal with it. And I don’t want to get into the slippery slope of overthinking because that leads to a definite mood drop, so I have been conscious of my thinking.