Life is stressful because it is unpredictable and involves changes we do not often choose. And when we are chronically ill it can really knock our health through a loop as we adjust. And this then makes it harder to cope with the external stress.
When I realized I would have to go on disability I knew we had to get our finances in order. So I had a plan. Sell the house. Pay some debt. And downsize. But life has other plans. Whatever, life, whatever.
Anyway, it has been very stressful lately because:
- My 13-year-old cat died. I had to put him down due to pancreatic cancer and from that also severe, severe diabetes. And that hurt a lot. Knowing you have to but not wanting to let them go.
- Financially we are struggling. Because we have the debt of two full-time income earners. And then I went to part-time and that was really hard to manage. Now… disability income is a fraction of That. We may have to go bankrupt. Which is not something I ever wanted to do but it is now on the table.
- Today my spouse, who is obviously the primary income earner, got laid off due to downsizing. It was a shock to us both. And I am not working for the buffer needed to help out financially.
And I have been quite sick as a result. The dizziness and vertigo, in particular, do Not like this at all. But neither does pain. Strange how abrupt and fast and wicked those external stressed just nail you in the health department. I am not freaking out, yet, and yet my body is freaking out for me. Full on tantrum mode.
It is difficult when you are a one income household all the time. Hell, it is difficult being disabled and being dependent on others. And I cannot fix this. If I were still working full time it wouldn’t be such a blow. And I can do nothing about that the way I am now. Not being this disabled. And that sucks. A lot. I always want to make a plan and solve the problem. But I can’t. And it sucks a lot knowing I am incapable of helping out when we need my help.
I am a firm believer in product insurance though. I was, after all, a banker. A sick banker who knew the unpredictability of life and my health. So what will help is that one of my credit cards (of two) has disability insurance and my car has disability insurance. Neither last forever, so it is like a band-aid on a profusely bleeding wound. And on the mortgage, I put job loss insurance on my spouse (because he makes all the money and I thought due to the economy that was prudent). Thank goodness for that. We have an appointment with the bank to see if he qualifies. That also doesn’t last long but hopefully long enough and every bit of space in our budget helps. They gave him a payout since he was with the company for 16 years and I do hope he can find something else before that runs out. The economy sucks in these parts… so we will have to see if we can find local, if not, look everywhere. Gotta do what you gotta do.
I feel for him because he is such a hard worker and takes a lot of pride in his work. They laid off five people so far, randomly picked. And they felt bad about it but damn I don’t care. I am pissed. Still, I have hope he will find something better. Something he really enjoys and gives him satisfaction and will appreciate his skills and worth ethic. He is such a good man. And he deserves to have a good job he thrives in.
We cannot predict these life stresses. We just have to ride the wave of change that is life.
He is coping well but I have no idea how long that will last. It is hard to find work these days in his field. But like I said, strong work ethic. He will find what he needs to find until he can find something else.
And I loathe I cannot fix it. If only I could function. If only… but I cannot. I have a hard time just leaving the house because getting a ride somewhere in a car… just makes me worse. So I am pretty isolated at the moment. My spouse will not enjoy this time between jobs because he has to keep busy and not being busy drives him nuts. I told him that is how it is with me. Not being able to do the things I want and not being able to work… gets very boring. And daytime TV… sucks balls. Filling the day is difficult. Well, I cannot even Do that much so it is even harder to fill the time. I have to rest a lot which is boring as hell. He can do a lot more but with nothing to do, he will go stir crazy. When he had his cancer surgery and could not do anything while he recovered… yeah, totally stir crazy.
But things can always be worse. I know that for a fact as my health tanked a couple years ago. Always can get worse. So hopefully we are done with Worse for just a wee bit. Just hoping for just a little stability for a bit.
Life what a kick in the balls, eh?