Time for A Chronic Voice’s June blog prompts!
Not working is a lot of… sameness. Do a little housework. Rest. Do a little writing. Rest. And repeat. Every day until you go nutbars with utter and complete boredom. And then motivation stagnates. And eventually, you just start making up things you can do. And talking to the cats. And you realize you have cabin fever. So you leave the house for short durations… which you pay for the rest of the day or even into the next day. But worth it. Nevertheless, a lot of repetition.
I have been wondering a lot about what the future holds. For example, since I have to wait so bloody long for my neurologist appointment I wonder if I have MS and what that would be like to cope with… or if I don’t. And since my spouse got laid off from work I wonder what our future will look like and if it will be worse or better. Or just… different.
I am turning a corner. When this vertigo crap added to the pain crap I was laid out with no medication to even help suppress it just a little bit. Now I do have a medication that helps a bit as long as I do not do much of anything. And that means… nudging my limits and seeing how far I can push it. Turns out, not too much, but a wee bit better than completely non-functional. Like a dinner out… that takes a lot. And I get very dizzy with vertigo spins by the end of it, and the next day isn’t so fun either… but I make it through it and I enjoy it. And I know if I take 3 vertigo pills it can help with any leaving the house socialization. But 1 and max 2 is what my doctor wants me to take. But I need to socialize once in a while or I will literally go nuts or get depressed.
I am also getting tired of being too sick to function and work. I find this infinitely frustrating since my spouse isn’t working and I cannot Fix it. And I really wish I could, for both of us.
I am desiring More All the time. Just more than the life I have or am currently limited to. More functionality. More quality of life. Just More more-ness. But in many ways with these limitations, I have to create that More in ways I actually can within the limits I actually have. Socializing a wee bit. Doing a bit of housework. Exercising if I can a bit. Hobbies I can manage for short durations. More is on me. The limits I can do nothing about at the moment.