I have been very unwell and it is a difficult time for me really. Rough year. Really rough year. But I just go on day by day.
It is time for A Chronic Voice linkup prompts for July!
When I was younger with chronic pain I always felt the need to justify it with doctors because they simply believed I was exaggerating. So I became very stoic. Then I simply gave no fucks. But now since my doctor took me off my pain meds and I have been in severe pain and unable to sleep through the night or walk well… And she won’t do a thing about it. Well, I feel like I have to justify my pain Again. And it sucks balls. So I make an appointment with the pain clinic in hopes they can help me manage this severe level of pain.
My Major Depressive Disorder is well treated but this insane pain is making me start to have emotional fluctuations. Sad. Angry as all hell at medical professionals. Frustrated at my incapacity to function. And the sad part… worries me but I know it is situational and reasonable to have bouts of this when I am laid out from pain. I also know to monitor my mood carefully.
I don’t know if I have MS yet. And I won’t know until October. And I just have no clue if I do or not. But I am analyzing these new symptoms closely to see if they are FM or something more ominous.
I am still in limbo with the dizziness and vertigo. If it is MS there is a potential treatment and it pisses me off to no end I cannot get in sooner to get that treatment if that is the case. If that is Not the case… this could be a permanent state of affairs. I will know what to do when I know what it actually IS. Until then I have concluded my focus Must be on pain management.
I have plans for when the vertigo is treated that I cannot do yet. Otherwise, plans are not a thing I can do right now. I have to see how I feel before I agree to anything usually a moment before the actual thing is.