I am on a pain killer. I know. The horror of it. I must be some sort of addict or something. Well, fuck that. I have no quality of life without them. And I have a right to quality of life and proper pain treatment. If I don’t I do nothing. Doing nothing causes muscles to atrophy. Which causes more pain. And more mobility issues. And this is a Bad Thing. And my pain doctor is well aware of this, as am I. So I am on them so I can function a little. Exercise a little. Do a little. And hopefully, this will get better once the vertigo is managed and a little better and a little better. So my muscles do not rot into mush.
I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t function. I was having some mood issues again. Mobility issues. Exercise? Yeah, that was out of the question. Stairs were my nemesis. Add that to the vertigo and that was not a life. So I went back to the pain clinic and he put me back on my pain killer. And I am very thankful for that. And I have been able to sleep a bit better and exercise somewhat (vertigo is making it very hard but hopefully the neurologist will help with this issue soon). But I have some pain management and that means a Whole Lot.
Stealing quality of life
The opiate epidemic is stealing the lives of people with chronic pain by taking away their pain medication. And they don’t even care. The doctors say they are being intimidated and pressured. I’d feel some sort of sympathy if not for the fact of the pain and suffering they are causing by stealing the life from people. So sorry but not so sorry. I understand they feel pressured. But when people are dying because they have become suicidal due to lack of pain control…. I’m sorry if I lack sympathy for the pressure they are under.
When you tell us to suck it up? I am telling them to suck it up, buttercup. We are dying. I want you to think of every suicidal patient you have and how many you have lost and think a little about what role your choices played in that. Yeah, the government made the rules. And yeah you feel pressured and intimidated to follow them. And yeah it isn’t your fight I guess. But it is our lives here. You life stealer. When your patient kills themselves I want you to look their family and friends in their eyes and say ‘I failed them’. That is what I want. I am so sick of excuses for this. I am so sick with your ‘well, have you tried meditation?’
Yeah, we have. With pain killers. And all the other things we did to manage our pain to have a little bit of life we had. And you took it away from us. And you think One thing can replace that? You are lying to yourself.
So I know it isn’t your fault. That this blew up in your face. In all of our faces. That it wasn’t caused by you. And you are not to blame for it. But we didn’t cause it either.
- We do not Own the addiction to the opiate problem.
- We didn’t Cause it.
- We are not to Blame for it.
And yet we are being punished for the opiate epidemic
No one remembers the pain epidemic. Or how difficult pain is to treat. Or the consequences and risks of unmanaged pain. No one remembers that at all. Or they do not care about disabled people because we are not useful to society. We cannot be fixed. Or cured. So what worth are we?
Listen to my program podcast from last weekend, and you will hear what took place. You will hear a desperate Beth pleading with a bored-sounding CPSO representative for understanding, for caring, for respect.
You will hear Beth explaining to the CPSO rep that suicide is on her mind.
The response? Indifferent acknowledgment that Beth had done everything which might reasonably be expected of someone driven to desperation by intractable agony.
Help? None. What might Beth do additionally to help her cause? The CPSO representative was clearly stumped by the question.
Beth’s being driven to suicide by her pain? Silence. Not even the perfunctory issuing of a phone number to a suicide prevention hotline.
And that is all we get. Silence.
I ask again what does this tell you about the society you live in? My society? Yours? That suffering like that can be ignored? That cancer patients even can be denied pain medication? Terminal cancer patients… even if you illogically believed everyone on painkillers are addicts (which is fundamentally ludicrous) what would it even matter when they are dying and just need to manage the pain? And we are not addicts. (Tolerance and dependence to any medication is Not addiction). Only a fraction of people even become addicted to painkillers and only a fraction of them get them from doctors. And there are far more people in unmanaged pain who cannot function without painkillers and serious pain management.
I have been suicidal. I have tried to kill myself. When I had no pain management. I think that is cruel. And vile. And wrong. And would the blame been solely on me for not being able to handle that level of suffering for that length of time… or the lack of pain management? It wasn’t that I wanted to actually die… I just wanted the pain to stop. I just needed a break from the pain that was so relentless. I was desperate. It was a raw desperation. And I just couldn’t take it anymore. And that isn’t irrational thinking. That is the thing. I wasn’t being irrational. I was right. It is Madness to suffer like that 24/7 without ever even the possibility of relief. And that is what they are offering people… no possibility of relief. Ever. And you think they are not going to have suicidal thoughts? I mean, how stupid could a doctor be to think you could just let someone exist like that and they wouldn’t think… well, if I just died I wouldn’t have to feel this pain anymore. It rips my heart apart to think people are in that mental place right now because of what doctors have chosen to do to them. It breaks my heart knowing they are in that place. That horrific place.
You can’t steal their life like that. You don’t have the right. You shouldn’t have that right. You destroyer of lives. You life thieves. You call yourselves doctors. Shame on you. Shame on you for doing it. Shame on you for your silence. You wouldn’t treat your loved ones like that. Your dog or cat gets better pain management than your patients.
Our quality of lives matter
Our Lives matter
And I don’t see why we have to be as silent as you are about this. Maybe people should hear our screams. Maybe we shouldn’t be so stoic about our pain. All those silent lives lost. And no one cares. No one even blinks. Because, well, those addicts need help. Help them, punish us all. We die, to save them. We are the silent statistic. The silent screams. When will our voices be heard?
If this sounds like a rant, well, maybe it is. Maybe I am a little bit angry about every single death in the pain community I have read about. Maybe those lives matter to me and certainly to their loved ones. They should matter to Someone. That a life was lost that never should have been. That didn’t have to be. That could have been prevented. But, no, all we get is silent indifference. So yeah, I’m angry. I’m furious. I’m sick of us having to fight so bloody hard to be listened to and get some sort of treatment… and most often denied it. I’m lucky. I’m very lucky I have pain management. But I’ll tell you this… it could poof out on the whim of a doctor in seconds. And I am very aware of that.