Time for A Chronic Voice’s Linkup prompts for November!
I have a lot of debt from being chronically ill. There has been short term leaves my insurance company didn’t pay for so my credit did. Long term leaves where my income dropped and we had a difficult time budgeting at that time. Then I went from full-time with all that debt to part-time, and that was tricky, to disabled, which is even harder. How do you pay that debt with little to no money coming in? Especially since my spouse then got laid off? We tried bankruptcy bit we have assets… like our house and the only way to do it is to lose everything including the house, contents, and car because our assets have too much worth. All we wanted to do was keep the house and vehicles. So that isn’t an option. But how do you pay? I do not know yet, man. Maybe spontaneously become healthy?
I am attending to my mental needs lately. My doctor thought I had Seasonal Affective disorder (SAD). I think life in general just is a suckfest right now and I have some really real stresses that are screwing with my mood. Not SAD. Just stress. And a boatload of it. And being sicker than usual and not being able to fix any of those stressful things doesn’t help at all. No matter how much I wish I could. So it sucks. I have been increasing my meditation and that seems to be calming me down a bit mentally… doesn’t solve the problems though, does it? But we can try the things we can do to help our mental well-being.
I am really just waiting for appointments still. Not really organizing anything. Too tired for much of anything. Organizing the small gifts I am buying early online so that is done.
I have been into this idea of brain health lately. Which means experiencing new things. So I have been drawing lately and art is a great way to express myself and learn a new thing. I sang Karokee for the first time and that was fun… got a lot of compliments. I say The Logical Song by Supertramp. Just trying new things to have experiences my brain can feed on. And playing new games on my phone that make my brain work.
I am also plunging into a new habit of not smoking. So far it is going decently and I hope this is a new beginning as a non-smoker finally. Once and for all. It will help with cost factors alone.
I have been thinking of doing some videos and maybe you guys would be into hearing from me ‘in person’. Maybe not. We shall see, if I give it a go, eh?
I do not know much right now. I am told by my doctor I cannot know For Sure I have MS until the contrast MRI. So whatever. That has yet to even be scheduled. So Not knowing anything sucks. And not knowing enough about the symptoms or treatment since I have never researched MS is another problem… I have to catch up on a lot if I have it. Knowledge is power when it comes to being a patient. I do know when I run out of meds I am very, very sick. I just recently ran out over the long weekend and couldn’t get a refill faxed until today. It felt like my brain ceased to work. And that gravity became quite heavy and was sucking me into the ground, the ground which was moving on me. And standing was so hard. I was so zoned out I couldn’t understand a damn thing my spouse was saying to me. And I was so tired. Laying down felt a little better than standing or sitting. And I was reminded of the hell that is me without meds. What is This? It is like nothing I have experienced before. No vestibular migraine is like this. And lasts forever without end like this. I do not know what this is but I do know I cannot be on this med forever. I need to know what this is and what to do about it. Soon. I am functionally useless without my med. And not so awesome with it.
I have been pretty tired lately. Stuck in a migraine since the month started. Just one continuous migraine. The vestibular systems still are what they are and continuous as well. Fibromyalgia has been flaring due to the winter wonderland we have going on. I’m not whining about it though. No pity party for one here. But I am doing the best to cope with the level of pain and get through the day. We gotta do what we gotta do to get through.