Top post of the year goes to:
- Allodynia and fibromyalgia
- Losing your career to chronic illness
- Chronic illness: be careful what you tolerate they will use it against you
- Fibromyalgia: why do we itch?
- Living wage vs. disability income
It has been a rough year. And really a year of limbo and waiting for tests and more tests and stuck with this infernal vertigo, dizziness and balance issues that are not diagnoses. And maybe MS and maybe not MS depending on a further contrast MRI that I have yet to even get scheduled. And maybe my vertigo is from migraines, maybe MS, maybe my left ear (but the ear test was cancelled twice and now is in February).
So a year of frustration really. And stagnation. And extreme fatigue. And not able to do as much as I usually would be able to, which isn’t even that much when you think about it but it was Something. Now it is just doing very little and nap, little and nap, and done for because everything gets all wonky and dizzy and ditsy.
But I have persevered and endured and dealt with it and been as patient as humanly possible. But then my mood began to suffer. My doctor said oh it is season affective disorder. I say things suck and I don’t feel well at all. And things suck. So who wouldn’t feel a little wee bit low when the weather gets cruddy? I mean, Really? I am in pain. I feel so sick. I am in limbo with no answers and little treatment. I am Frustrated.
So not a great year. But I have done the best with it as I could have with what I have. I have decreased a lot of my activities. I can’t read much. I can’t blog as much or make as much content for social media as I once did. Can’t focus for Most of the day really.
So to help my mood I have picked up hobbies I can do. Paint-by-numbers and drawings.
Some of my amateur art- I will get better as I go which is what makes it a fine hobby. Not sure I will ever be great since I do have nerve damage in my dominant hand but that’s cool. It’s a fun hobby.
And this is the company I use for paint-by-numbers: Winnie’s Picks
And this was my first I did:
I also continue to write fantasy fiction.
The main issue is the dizziness and cognitive issues that come with it make for some serious grammar and typo issues that are even worse than pain and migraine aphasia caused. And that is frustrating. But my father and mom help me weed through some of that. And I had an editor help me for free for promoting her work- so that was awesome. But it takes me more time and effort and I can only write in the morning fully medicated. Instead of when I used to write, late at night (which is literally impossible now as symptoms get so severe then).
Anyway, I did publish this book which took 2 years to do Lost Magic and it is the first in a trilogy. I have since during this year worked on the other two in draft form. But again will need an editor which I do not have money for, so hopefully, I can find some sort of deal or arrangement or trade for again.
So you know, trying to keep myself occupied in the time frame of the day which I can actually think and do things, somewhat. At least painting and drawing I can do without thinking- that is at least nice. But the writing must be done in the WINDOW of brain functionality. And that fluctuates from day to day from very short to a few hours.
I have started Vlog videos
I have started these because I think people might like them. And its something new to try and do. It may work out or not. I can be articulate writing even when I have a hard time focusing, or so I am often told. But I do have a hard time being articulate verbally with vertigo and migraines and dizziness… so that may make them harder than they otherwise would be. But so far, seem to be all right as long as I really, really choose when I do them. And do more than a few takes. lol. They are casual anyway. I will attempt them every two weeks on different topic ideas. And anyone can suggest ideas for me at my email address which is in my menu under About.
New Years Resolutions
I have chosen not to make one this year. I simply have no desire to. I am really tired. Really tired and just trying to get through. So I just want to get these tests done. Get diagnosed. Get some treatment started. None of that depends on me at all or my timeline or my control. So waiting game it is. And that is my Main Goal. Get a bit More Functionality. Especially since my doctor does not like me being on my vertigo medication long-term and without it I have no functionality at all. So I do need some sort of alternative plan of action. And even as is, it doesn’t seem to be quite working as well as it did. And that concerns me. So diagnosis. Treatment. Yes. Please. New Year Goal.