Wearing my purple of Fibromyalgia Awareness Day May12th
The first pic I wasn’t feeling well and just snapped it. The middle one was from years ago prior to the vertigo. I use it sometimes because it is a good one. The one to the left was this years… and frankly all I could manage. A selfie and one where I don’t know if I look like I am feeling so hot… but I am wearing Purple!
One thing about fibromyalgia is that we can fake being well enough if we need to. We can be stoic as hell. But people do not see what is behind closed doors.
Out and about; in pain but faking it it like a PRO
This was my last vacation. Before the constant dizziness and vestibular problems. Now people look at these pics and they see I’m having a blast and I AM. I am enjoying myself immensely. But I am in a lot more pain than usual. The care ride there is exceptionally painful and I need to recover from That. Then just walking about… painful so I need breaks a lot. And I push myself beyond my limits because I want to see and explore… I KNOW I will pay the price, and I do pay the price for a week or more. And even during the holiday it begins to amp up my pain. But I do it because I want to… and I know the consequences will be there … and I have the time reserved to recover from my ‘vacation’. But we all need a new change of scenery and mind-space and nature sometimes. So I value those vacations. But don’t let the smile for the camera fool you; fibromyalgia pain and fatigue is generally worse on vacations, not better.
Behind closed doors
Most of these are either a) I have a migraine b) I am flaring c) I am so damn tired I need a nap or d) all of the above. I need to nap 1-3 times a day depending on how fatiguing the vertigo is that day. And fibromyalgia flares abound when one doesn’t move about and can’t exercise. Migraine attacks are frequent for me and comorbid with fibro and I get them daily… it is a daily trying to manage them in different sorts of ways.
I am tired, man, I am SO tired. All the time. Just standing seems like gravity is pulling me down and working against me so often and it is hard without leaning on something, like the counter, or using my cane.
I am constantly in pain. I varies. But is it a bad migraine day and a decent fibro day? A bad fibromyalgia flare day and a decent migraine day? Or a mind-blowing pain day overall? Who knows? Luck of the draw.
But you won’t see it. Because on a decent day… I will go out and about, meds in me, smile on my face, joking around… and you can’t see my pain.
We have good days. We have bad days. We have really bad flare days. We can be extremely fatigued sometimes as well because fatigue levels Also vary. It is hard to say one day to the next where our limits will be and how we will feel.