Time for the linkup prompts with A Chronic Voice for August!
Prompts
- Unlocking
- Limiting
- Studying
- Watching
- Healing
July seemed to linger. It has been too hot for me which makes my migraine attacks flare and with a lot of more nausea in there. I have been in an abnormal amount of pain as well with an insane amount of Paresthesia. My asthma is quite out of control and it has never been that way before. My vestibular symptoms as frustrating as usual.
I am coping quite well. Mood is fine. I am as resilient as ever. That doesn’t mean I am Fond of this status quo at all. I want progress and there is none. Maybe there won’t be but I will persist in trying to find some.
Unlocking
We are unlocking the province and opening the doors. I mean, you can’t have crowds, need your mask, and have to socially distance- if anyone cares to listen in this hot summer weather. And it is good and it is bad. It is good for business and people going back to work. And it is bad for any potential exposure on my side, so, I am still staying inside as much as I can and that’s just the way it has to be. I do visit with a small amount of people in small settings. That is god for my mental health for sure. Not as often, of course.
Limiting
Limiting is a loaded word isn’t it? I am limiting myself all the time because I am aggressively pacing to keep the vestibular symptoms somewhat lesser than they Can be. I tried pushing that recently and, well, let’s just say I found a LIMIT. And just yesterday I did 2 housekeeping things and Whoo you’d think I spun in a circle for an hour instead just for funsies. So yeah, I have to be very, very careful. And rest. And then a nice mellow activity. And rest. Another mellow thing. Rest. Writing works, especially in the morning when I can think straight, because I can do it on the couch with my laptop and it is Not a vigorous activity- and I can do as little as I want. Limits thought are currently the name of the game.
Studying
Okay, I am doing a thing. I have no idea if I can make use of this thing I am doing. I just wanted to test my capacity to learn and retain information, in my current state (nudging my limits). So because it is a pandemic some courses are free or next to it. So I ordered a bundle. And I am working through them slowly. I am doing fine at it. It is interesting. And Intellectual fulfillment is an important life satisfaction factor for me. What I want is to utilize these courses. Maybe just casually? (Maybe nudging another limit?) I had hoped for some better answers on my vertigo by now. But such is life. We shall see. At the very least I learned something new.
It is that thing with me where I have ambitions and desires. And I have Also severe limits at this time. So I can’t exactly do anything about that fact at this moment. I can take courses for intellectual stimulation, yes, but I may never be able to do anything with them if the vertigo isn’t ever managed. My limits are just too Much right now.
Watching
I am keenly watching some symptoms. Some peculiar out of the ordinary symptoms I will have to mention to my neurologist when I next see him. Maybe they are fibromyalgia related. Maybe migraine related. But if they are, they are very new to me and I do not like that with this MS possibility looming over me. So I watch. Just pay attention.
I will not know if I have MS or not, possibly for years. So worrying about it is pointless. But one does have to pay attention to peculiar symptoms either way. So I am. I will mention them. It is all I can do.
Healing
I am constantly working on my well-being but I have been getting rather philosophical about it lately. That is my ‘mindset’ for reality and my education. I tend to view through that ‘lens’. I wondering if we have a story we tell ourselves. Well, we do. And, yeah, most of it is fabrication. But what I am wondering now is what lays beneath that- the theme to the story as it were and if so what is my theme? And I think I nailed it down. I will write about it I think. Because the theme, you see, is what corrupts the story we tell ourselves and where all the maladaptive coping strategies we work Years to break come from.
Anyway, it is healing to accept these limiting core beliefs you have deep inside that may have warped your view of pain and illness and let to … bad strategies. Likely had them before we ever became chronically ill but they would have caused Other life issues then. Just pondering…
See other A Chronic Voice Prompt Posts
Learning is good, it’s great to keep the mind active, especially when the body doesn’t want to be. When I first got sick I was told that it was possibly MS, but then the Dr ruled it out because of my age, apparently you don’t get MS after 50. (I was 50 and 1 month old.) But I’d had symptoms for years which I’d not really thought about. I had a lumbar puncture which they said ruled out MS, but now it seems I have lesions on my brain. When I look back at the last 10 years, I feel as though I have MS, but no-one would consider it now because of my age. Catch 22! Stay safe and keep within your limitations, it’s all we can do sometimes. Maybe there will be more for you in the future, I hope so x
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It is hard to say. The neuro said all my symptoms could be accounted for by my existing conditions including new ones… he said he needed something distinct. Lol I have a whole bunch of brain lesions for sure.
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Hi! You won’t know if you have MS for years? Wow. That is amazing. My neuro actually had me do MRIs of the neck and back and that’s how he fould other issues needing surgery (just not MS, lOl). But I especially loved your LIMITING section. It feels so good knowing others can relate. xo
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I have the brain lesions that indicate MS for sure and that shows on my MRI very clearly. But he said I don’t have definitive symptoms. So basically it will be MRIs every year for years to see if I get More lesions or I get sicker to the point it becomes obvious.
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Sounds like you are plodding on and doing the best with what you have, well done! I found my reiki practice really beneficial in relation to my perception of chronic illness. It helped me make sense of my eye condition and find methods to manage the pain more effectively. I trust that you will find similar methods as you continue to study and explore…
https://spookymrsgreen.com/2020/08/17/how-to-unlock-your-potential-and-stop-unhealthy-behaviours/
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Mostly it is meditation and art for me
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Another great post Nikki, like you I often find limiting myself of what I can do to stop the severe effects of the symptoms I experience. But when pushing myself out of the comfort zone I end up limiting myself further due to a flare in the symptoms. It really is a hard part of living with a chronic illness to balance and knowing what your limits are is often impossible to know, as for me they are constantly changing. Still, is sounds like you are coping amazingly well all things considered! Well done and take care! x
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Thank you! ❤
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Sounds like you are making the most of things as you can. I love that you are studying and learning something new. I’ve see classes and bundles greatly discounted lately too, and it’s great to be able to take advantage of that! Good luck to you!
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It nice to be able to take the courses even though I know I can’t do anything with them. It is just nice to keep my mind working.
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I love how you’re so participative and always so fast, Nikki! You’re truly a writer 🙂 THanks for joining us as always. I’m sorry to hear about the neverending symptoms and pain. I truly hope they go away somehow, soon. Sending you lots of good thoughts and gentle hugs in the meantime.
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Thank you! ❤
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