Time for the linkup prompts with A Chronic Voice for August!
July seemed to linger. It has been too hot for me which makes my migraine attacks flare and with a lot of more nausea in there. I have been in an abnormal amount of pain as well with an insane amount of Paresthesia. My asthma is quite out of control and it has never been that way before. My vestibular symptoms as frustrating as usual.
I am coping quite well. Mood is fine. I am as resilient as ever. That doesn’t mean I am Fond of this status quo at all. I want progress and there is none. Maybe there won’t be but I will persist in trying to find some.
We are unlocking the province and opening the doors. I mean, you can’t have crowds, need your mask, and have to socially distance- if anyone cares to listen in this hot summer weather. And it is good and it is bad. It is good for business and people going back to work. And it is bad for any potential exposure on my side, so, I am still staying inside as much as I can and that’s just the way it has to be. I do visit with a small amount of people in small settings. That is god for my mental health for sure. Not as often, of course.
Limiting is a loaded word isn’t it? I am limiting myself all the time because I am aggressively pacing to keep the vestibular symptoms somewhat lesser than they Can be. I tried pushing that recently and, well, let’s just say I found a LIMIT. And just yesterday I did 2 housekeeping things and Whoo you’d think I spun in a circle for an hour instead just for funsies. So yeah, I have to be very, very careful. And rest. And then a nice mellow activity. And rest. Another mellow thing. Rest. Writing works, especially in the morning when I can think straight, because I can do it on the couch with my laptop and it is Not a vigorous activity- and I can do as little as I want. Limits thought are currently the name of the game.
Okay, I am doing a thing. I have no idea if I can make use of this thing I am doing. I just wanted to test my capacity to learn and retain information, in my current state (nudging my limits). So because it is a pandemic some courses are free or next to it. So I ordered a bundle. And I am working through them slowly. I am doing fine at it. It is interesting. And Intellectual fulfillment is an important life satisfaction factor for me. What I want is to utilize these courses. Maybe just casually? (Maybe nudging another limit?) I had hoped for some better answers on my vertigo by now. But such is life. We shall see. At the very least I learned something new.
It is that thing with me where I have ambitions and desires. And I have Also severe limits at this time. So I can’t exactly do anything about that fact at this moment. I can take courses for intellectual stimulation, yes, but I may never be able to do anything with them if the vertigo isn’t ever managed. My limits are just too Much right now.
I am keenly watching some symptoms. Some peculiar out of the ordinary symptoms I will have to mention to my neurologist when I next see him. Maybe they are fibromyalgia related. Maybe migraine related. But if they are, they are very new to me and I do not like that with this MS possibility looming over me. So I watch. Just pay attention.
I will not know if I have MS or not, possibly for years. So worrying about it is pointless. But one does have to pay attention to peculiar symptoms either way. So I am. I will mention them. It is all I can do.
I am constantly working on my well-being but I have been getting rather philosophical about it lately. That is my ‘mindset’ for reality and my education. I tend to view through that ‘lens’. I wondering if we have a story we tell ourselves. Well, we do. And, yeah, most of it is fabrication. But what I am wondering now is what lays beneath that- the theme to the story as it were and if so what is my theme? And I think I nailed it down. I will write about it I think. Because the theme, you see, is what corrupts the story we tell ourselves and where all the maladaptive coping strategies we work Years to break come from.
Anyway, it is healing to accept these limiting core beliefs you have deep inside that may have warped your view of pain and illness and let to … bad strategies. Likely had them before we ever became chronically ill but they would have caused Other life issues then. Just pondering…