I know I am disabled. I know that means I don’t have much money and can’t help much financially. Or be as productive as I want to be. That I have to rest an insane amount. That I am not very functional. And I cope very well with this low quality of life.

I am infinitely aware of this. Obviously. I am aware of my limitations. How can I not be when they have slid downhill the last three years?

The guilt can plague you. It can eat you alive, man. You can feel ashamed. And blame yourself. And hate yourself.

When you feel like a loser because you'e disabled

I have to tell you all of that is bullcrap. All of that is your head just messing with you.

  • You have no power over everything that happens to you
  • You have no control over being chronically ill
  • It is not your fault you are chronically ill
  • You are not to Blame for it.
  • There is no Shame in it
  • You have to understand you have value and your self-worth

It has a lot to do with our internal talk and how we think about ourselves and being disabled. We sometimes really have to work on our self-identity, self-work and self-esteem. If not then we will beat ourselves up… and the world does that enough for us we do not need to add to it.

If we don’t think about these thoughts they will corrode our self-worth. I should know. They did for me until I had next to none. And I have to say, that takes a very long time and a whole lot of conscious effort to grow back. Our thoughts have a lot of power. Our words we speak have a lot of power… since our brain doesn’t know if we are joking or not. So we have to be careful what we tell ourselves because that brain is like a toddler absorbing every single word we are saying like it is Fact.

There are times when I am in a slump…

I really do not feel so well about myself. I wish I could solve problems I just can’t. I wish I could do things I just can’t. And I am keenly aware I can’t. My body reminds me of That fact. But it does make me feel like a real loser. Or maybe sometimes Society makes me feel like one. And that is a sucky feeling.

I want more than I can have at the moment for sure. And we have to accept what we can have. Focus on what we can have. Welcome what we can have. Take joy in what we can have. Be grateful for what we can have. Not focus on what we cannot. And I really have to remind myself of this at times.

I do not want to fall into a sinkhole of sucky feelings about myself. When I do accomplish things, at my own pace and speed. And maybe that is slow these days. But I do things.

Creativity can help me a lot in expressing all the tangle of emotions that come up during these times.

Any sort of creativity can help me get these feelings out and shake of this Mood.
  1. Writing in a journal- rant and rave but also write what you are grateful for.
  2. Doing a visual journal
  3. Writing poetry
  4. Drawing
  5. Paint-by-numbers
  6. Photography
  7. Any crafting you like or do
  8. Any form of Expression that you Like
Other things that help you get out of this feeling of worthlessness or uselessness
  1. Small amounts of housekeeping around the house or yard. Even 15 minutes
  2. A short walk outside- boosts the mood
  3. Some relaxation time reading a book or listening to an audio books, podcast, playing a video game
  4. A nice soothing Epsom salt bath
  5. Never underestimate a restorative nap. Just Not Too much. Well, Sometimes I need a whole lot when my symptoms are bad and there is nothing wrong with that.
  6. A quiet game night with someone
  7. Going for coffee with someone

Basically I motivate myself to do Things but only things I am capable of and pacing myself. Obviously, not all in one day. But choose the good days. Choose a thing to do. It boosts your sense of self worth a whole lot when it slumps.

See more:

Chronic illness: Self-identity
Chronic pain: The pain story
Chronic pain and self-esteem
Chronic illness: Our sense of self

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14 thoughts on “When you feel like a loser because you’re disabled

  1. Hi Nikki This is something I really struggle with. Do you know the Edward Thomas poem a line from which is
    “Must I be content with discontent as Larks and Swallows are perhaps with wings” ?
    best wishes & thanks for all your wisdom

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have not heard that line before. Maybe we would be discontent if we were healthy too. I wonder that sometimes. But I know we struggle so much with who we are when we are chronically ill that we never just let ourselves be

      Like

  2. There is a baseline of unhappiness that is built into our DNA. Our disabilities bring us above the baseline and (in my opinion) cause more suffering. How could it not? Society tells us to be productive and our limitations tell us we cannot be as productive as we would like to be. But more than that is discouragement and disappointment. Our own, with ourselves. And anger, “this is how I used to feel – better”. Thank you Nikki, as usual, your writing is on point and insightful.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love your blogs. You have found something to give you a purpose. I am trying hard to get through the day mainly because I’m isolated. When you are ill you lose your friends too. X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You do lose a friends and it is really hard to get some back. And friends worth our effort that do not judge us for not being able to do much or stick to any sort of plans.

      Like

  4. This is such a relatable post. I suspect we all beat ourselves up sometimes. I know that I have made my health worse plenty of times by trying to do what I think other people expect of me rather than what I’m capable of. Self compassion is an everyday essential, easier said than done. Hope this turns out to be a better week for you.

    Liked by 1 person

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