I'm only human I'm only—I'm only— I'm only human, human Maybe I'm foolish Maybe I'm blind Thinking I can see through this And see what's behind Got no way to prove it So maybe I'm lying But I'm only human after all I'm only human after all Don't put your blame on me Don't put your blame on me Take a look in the mirror And what do you see? Do you see it clearer Or are you deceived In what you believe? 'Cause I'm only human after all You're only human after all Don't put the blame on me Don't put your blame on me Some people got the real problems Some people out of luck Some people think I can solve them Lord heavens above...
I wonder why we put such a burden on ourselves when we are chronically ill to be more than we can be. Be the way we Were. The way people Want. The way Society Demands.
We are only human.
We feel such guilt for not being productive enough. Not ENOUGH. I think, everyone feels this to some degree. I think it is almost human nature to feel like we lack something. No perfect enough. Not something enough. Not worthy enough.
And we feel it keenly. So keenly because we are so very positive we wouldn’t feel it if we were healthy. But we would… just different reasons.
We have our fair share of problems, obstacles, limitations, health issues… more than our fair share often. And we do so many things to try and mitigate all that. But we are only human. And no matter what we do with our self-care and management we will remain chronically ill and have limitations we have to live with. That doesn’t mean we do nothing because, hell, every inch quality of life we gain is momentous in how we feel. It makes a massive difference in our lives. Striving for that is a worthy goal. But it can be exhausting as well.
What is more exhausting is the guilt, blame, and layers of judgment we put on ourselves for not doing better. And other put on us because they have no comprehension of our actual health or what we do to maintain it.
We are only human, after all
Aren’t we allowed to struggle with coping sometimes? Aren’t we allowed to have just a mental and emotional break sometimes? Do we have to be strong all the time?Tweet
Every second of every day?
It isn’t feasible.
It isn’t human nature.
We are not weak
I’m not saying we are weak. Because we go through a constant struggle and stressor that many people do not know about and cannot understand, and that takes a lot of every day strength, endurance, resiliency, and perseverance.
I am saying we need to shake all that guilt for this feeling we are not enough. I am saying we just need to focus on what we are capable of doing… at this time. And not focus on what we cannot do. I am saying to stop tormenting ourselves with such things. No one else does. If they do not do any housecleaning one day… well, whatevs. We don’t do a wee bit? Well, then, we have to feel guilty and unproductive, and useless and worthless. How is that right?
When my functionality decreased substantially with my vertigo…
I can tell you I stopped feeling guilty for the Necessity of my need to rest since I absolutely had to. My ability to function in the day is a small space of time, and anything I do requires rest before and after. And this enables me to do things better, which is good. And to me ever little bit of time I can get out of a day is good because some days I cannot function at all. So why would I waste time on guilt when rest is what enables me to actually be able to Do things? No time for that.
It also eradicated any feelings like I wasn’t Doing Enough. Mostly because I was really just trying to get by. And when I could I would spend time, slowly, on writing or drawing to make me feel good… things that give me pleasure, joy, a sense of accomplishment. Even if that is all I could do in a day was 15 minutes of writing or drawing. It was something that helped me feel good. And that had to be enough because anything more I tried to do and the consequences would last all day, if not longer, and I Do Not like the consequences.
It made me see time and energy as precious commodities in my life. And rest and recovery as necessary to my existence.
Not time for guilt, blame, shame, judgments. Just for adjusting to a reality that was different than chronic pain and I had to get used to the new rules of it. And how to get some life out of it.
I am only human though and it was a rough go adjusting to a new condition mentally and emotionally.
To expect us to just smile and be happy and positive and strong and show no weakness… all the time, does not benefit us or reality.
Obviously at first, I hoped it would just go away. Then I just wanted a diagnosis and for doctors to Make it go away. And then now, I have to cope with the fact it isn’t going away. Fine. But, this takes a bit to wrap your head around, adjust your mental and emotional coping strategies. Maybe a poor me moment. A bit of a rant at the fates. And then after that, we adjust to the facts and make any changes we think, on our side, along with medication may help us.
But it is a process. I am human and no human wants to have their life usable hours Shrink and limitations Increase. To feel so very tired all the time. I am so tired. And I hurt all the time. And capable of so very little. However, fortunately for me I have been coping with chronic illness for a long time and I have learned the ways my brain works. I know the games it plays when it gets in a mood. And I know how to deal with it. I know what helps me cope best. I know what mentally and emotionally boosts me up. I learned this the hard way, over time, and lessons I would have preferred not to have, but it has helped me adjust to this downturn in my health.
Doesn’t mean I don’t need to take time to adjust. Doesn’t mean I didn’t need to work through the emotions of it. Wrap my head around it. Just means I have the skill set already once I did to bounce back. I have established resiliency. Some people are more resilient than other. I wasn’t. I had to learn that. I really had to learn that. I envy people who are just resilient people but I tell you, I never was. Stress and health issues took a massive toll on me mentally and emotionally… and I just tried to push through it all without taking the time to learn the coping skills that would help me through all that stress and pain. I would crash and burn, burn out, and then repeat. So really hard earned resiliency for sure. And thankfully I did learn that before this downturn in health because this far lower functionality… is difficult. Far less… life to live. But I figured some things out I can do when I MUST rest. Podcasts I like. Just listening to music. Relaxation breathing. Watching more TV than I ever did but such is life. I cannot read as much as I used to… only at good times and short durations. It is what it is.
Acceptance of the life we have really does help with perspective and living the lives we have. Not saying we do not strive to improve but acceptance helps us acknowledge the life as it is, so we can live within it. Not deny it. Live within the rules of the chronic illness we have to have some semblance of a life.
But as we all know, acceptance is a state of mind we can attain and have a Lot of the time the more we cope but it is not a constant state of being. We Are Human. We have emotions that fluctuate. And that is fine. I feel my emotions. I acknowledge my right to them. I just refuse to ruminate on them as I once would and sink into them. I just feel them and let them flow through me. Acknowledge bad days and do the self-care I need to get through it.
My conclusions for this ramble
We are going to feel a flux of emotions and thoughts about our chronic illness. And sometimes it isn’t going to feel that awesome. I just want you to know it is normal. I feel that flux. Everyone else does. We have immense stress. We all learn ways to cope that work for us.Tweet
Remember you are only human. Not everything is in our control. Not everything can be fixed, some things must simply be carried. It is normal to not feel strong every day. It is normal to have bad days. It is normal to struggle with all this. You are not alone. None of us have all the answers. For each of us coping is a complex puzzle we are constantly adjusting. Many of us need help with coping and I know I did. We all need a good support network as well; online or in real life.
You think you’re flawed. You think you’re weak. You think you’re broken. You’re not. You struggle. You’re human. You have a chronic illness. Coping is never easy.Tweet