Yeah, 2020 was a suckfest. However, I do not survive my darkest times by focusing on all the suck there is in the moment. Because there is just a lot of sucky moments with chronic pain and chronic illness. And, frankly, focusing on the suck of that really drags me down into an abyss that is hard to escape. So I like to focus on the wee gleams of sunshine I fine and I hold onto them.
There are things I did that got me through this year… that seems to slide downhill fast and you just never found the bottom… it just kept going down.
I am not even sure I have reached the bottom. Doesn’t seem like it. Anyway, that is not the point. Save that for next year’s anxiety.
I am grateful for…
All the support I have received from online friends, friends, and family during this particularly difficult time. It has meant a great deal to me. My entire support network online and in reality who help me cope and get through.
My brother and his girlfriend moving in
I am grateful for my brother and his girlfriend moving in because we were really struggling with the bills since my spouse has been laid off. And slowly but surely that got worse and worse. So when they moved in and pay some money for rent, that they can afford, it helps us relieve some of the stress of getting the bills paid. And it is company for when the lock-downs happen to relieve some of the immense isolation. Isolation that has not been so grand on my depression.
For my friends, mom, and dad
For visits and going out for coffee when we could still do those things, socially distanced and all. For short durations, because my vertigo has been hard to deal with this year. And that kept me sane, I think. Isolation sucks for my depressed brain so every bit of socialization I had when we could have it meant a Whole lot to me.
For picking up an new hobby
Before all this started I decided to start drawing again. Something I thought would be compelling and challenging for me, but also able to do sitting or laying down… so dizzy friendly. And art helps me cope with stress and pain. So when things did get so much worse than they already were I used that to help me cope. And I am glad I had that, along with my writing, to express myself.
It helped with distracting me from this immense load of stress as well. I could just forget the world for a bit.
That I was able to find some Freelance Writing work
Or I should say, it found me through this blog because that is how they found me. It is a Restless Leg Syndrome community for information and community. You can see my posts here. Anyway, it will really help me because I need something very flexible and also definitely need some side income to help us get by.
That I managed to get some fiction books done
This year I finished a few books I had really been meaning to get done. It was difficult with the vertigo and extremely slow going. But I got it done. You can see all my fiction books on Amazon here.
I am grateful for the house over my head and the food in my belly
Finances aside, at least we have the basics. And as my spouse always says, ‘All I want is a roof over my head and food in my gut, and I am good’. We may have to spend his entire retirement fund before he finds work in order to keep this roof over our head, but at least he Has it. And I think the pandemic is causing that sort of thing for a lot of people- stealing our future retirement to survive Now. But the way I see it, all that can be started over. Starting over happens sometimes. And there is nothing wrong with that. As long as we survive and get through this bit by bit… we can start at the basics later. I cut what could be cut from the budget. And we just have to make the bills and keep on keeping on until things get better. I doubt they will ever be the same and that too is fine. Things change.
That my family and friends stayed healthy this year
I know we are not through this yet. I know it is impossible to know the future and I dearly hope everyone doesn’t get COVID-19. I do not want anyone to have to deal with that risk or the risk for long-term consequences of it. I am grateful that, so far, that has not been the case. I can say this year I am grateful for that. We cannot know the future of next year, but I can hope it remains this way.
I am grateful the vaccines are rolling out
I am grateful that the vaccines were created in 2020 and that by the end of the year they began to roll out to those in the most need of them. It gives me hope for next year, as by the end of that year, everyone should be vaccinated.
So really 2020 I did accomplish things
So I am grateful for a lot and I accomplished some things. No year is a waste. Even if we had lockdowns and we couldn’t socialize or do what we wanted. Even though my vertigo took a turn for the worse here. Even though the treatment of the vertigo is delayed. Still, things got done during some parts of the year. And some parts I did socialize for small durations. And I got through with the help of my friends and my family.
And in many ways, I took pleasure in some really simple joys and was grateful for them. Drawing, painting, writing, playing games with family and friends (when it was possible or here at home now).
I made the best of my pandemic birthday, pandemic Thanksgiving, Christmas and now New Years. All at home but I still enjoyed them in mellow and simple ways. I suppose as an introvert changing a special day to a more mellow version isn’t that hard to do and still enjoy it. My birthday, for example, was a fine day for me. I did a lot of my favourite things and some pampering self-care and I believe we had a fire in the backyard if I remember. It was a Good day.
New Year’s Eve
On New Year’s Eve, I played games with my spouse. We played a Zombie Game I got him for Christmas. And Scrabble. (I beat him at Scrabble… for the first time in a long time.) And then I finished this post and relaxed with some Netflix.