Time for A Chronic Voice Writing Prompts
Beginning- Year 2021
I’m not one for a new year, new me sort of deal. Especially not this year. Really, just glad I got through last year. I made no New Year’s resolutions either… I think this will be a rough enough ride without any other goals in there. However, I am hoping things will slowly improve as the year goes on for all of us. I hope the vaccine rolls out quickly. I hope this then slowly improves the economy. I hope that my spouse can then find work. I hope when the pandemic slows speed I can then get treatment for my vertigo. So a lot of hope for the new year.
I have drawn a lot of things that represent my feels for 2020 for sure. And I also wrote two poems about the pandemic. I wrote them early in.
2020 was a lesson in enduring for sure. Enduring horrible symptoms of pain and vertigo I couldn’t do a thing about. Enduring isolation. Enduring financial instability.
I think I realized I can endure a lot more than I think I can. Perhaps I learned that lesson a lot of time ago and am just reminded of that. That I just need to keep going inch by inch and hope that some factors will slowly improve. That I can build back what was destroyed. Rebuild all over again. Not like I have not had my world crash before- from illness but still, I’m used to unpredictability.
I know it is a shock to the system to lose your job or career and be left floundering to find something to replace it in an economic time when there is not much out there. I know this because I have lost jobs and careers due to chronic illness and disability. And my options for finding something else were always very limited… to nill when I became disabled. Knowing this feeling I know what it is like to grieve that. To feel a bit of a blow to self-worth. But I also know rebuilding from scratch is always possible. At any time, at any moment, we can remake ourselves. We feel we have stability, a stable sense of self, a stable life, a stable career. That we have control. It isn’t true. It is an illusion we live with. And when it crashes it hurts like hell. But rebuilding all of that is always possible.
I guess the one thing I learned is that getting down to basics and just surviving is all you have to do sometimes. Yeah, things may crash all around you but there is nothing wrong with starting over. Nothing wrong with surviving a horrible time and then rebuilding after. Like many of us will have to do, slowly, in the next few years or more. Piece by piece we will create new lives with new values.
Maybe it is a lesson in how very unpredictable life is. How very fragile our lives are. How difficult it is to survive financial adversity when you are disabled. I think we already knew this. I think we experienced all this at other times. It is just that 2020 was a lot of things all at once for everyone altogether.
I learned a whole lot about what isn’t important in 2021. I de-cluttered to sell things for money. Things I didn’t need and I think that teaches us how many Things we just do not need. I cut and lowered bills- again demonstrating just how little we actually need. Need vs. desire. We got roommates (my brother and SIL) because they will help us with bills and we help them- helping each other through a time that is not economically secure or stable. I have accepted help from family and friends and anyone to help me get by. In the end, you do all you can to cut the extras and keep every penny you can. Just make it through. And making it through is all that matters. I hope that we all make it through.
And when we do- then we can think about rebuilding anything that we lost from all this. And what we do will not be the same in many ways. There is nothing wrong with that either. Things change.