Here are May’s prompts
It is Fibromyalgia Awareness Month and Mental Illness Awareness Month. Both of which are important to me and I will be writing about this month.
I find the more we move into more pleasant weather the more I want to do things. More in the day. More Things. And I still have to do some really extreme pacing and a lot of rest. I have a hard time restraining that Spring time eagerness. But, unfortunately, that is the way it is.
I have been pushing my limits lately by exercising. I want to exercise to regain some of the mobility I lost and some strength in my muscles. I am pushing a bit harder than I would normally and feeling the painful consequences of that because I noticed some exercise in the morning sort of shakes off some of my dizziness for a short time… and I like that feeling. So I want that.
And then end up exercising every day and my body can’t quite do that yet, for any duration. But I am pushing it to. And then give it a two-day break every so often. Especially if I have a wicked morning migraine. And then back to just pushing those limits again. It isn’t bad to do exactly… it is just a Really painful way to go about getting to a level of exercise I can physically do.
I wouldn’t exactly recommend that to anyone with fibromyalgia because it is exactly what not to do and the pain was immense in the beginning- Until I found a way to do it in a way that balanced pain and still gave me this dizziness dampening. And that was my choice to do because it helped with a symptom that is extremely problematic but increases the pain- but I believed in the short term. So I could tolerate a short-term increase in pain for Any benefit in vertigo symptoms.
Nevertheless, I must pace. I must rest. Any exercise comes with a cost.
There is only so much I can do in a day. Only so much usable functional hours I can make use of. I try to wrangle as much as I can into it but by adding exercise and physical activity, I end up having to subtract something else.
I wish I could stuff so much into that time, but I just can’t. I end up doing less than I want to. As anyone can imagine with chronic illness it is impossible to plan or schedule any activities when I can only fit so much in there. It just doesn’t work. I can’t do things like that. I have to remind myself to be very flexible with my time. That sometimes there are days nothing will get done. I don’t keep track of how many days are like that these days because vertigo and pain just have a toll and there are times when you’re just laid out by them.
I cannot contort time. I have to focus on A Thing in a day. And be satisfied if I accomplish that Thing.
In addition to forming my exercise habit to maintain my muscles, I have been trying to lose weight to get rid of my sleep apnea. The best way to do that is simple calorie control since I do little, I use little. So I am using an app my doctor recommended and keeping within a specific range of calories. And only eating within a certain time range of the day (no midnight snacking when I wake up for the 10th time).
It makes you think about what you eat for sure. I have never been one to count calories or do diets of any sort. Just try to eat well and not out of a box has always been my theory. But that damn vertigo did dramatically decrease my capacity to function and do anything at all and while I am trying to change that by doing physical activities that do not ‘aggravate it’ it is still very draining. And motion a massive trigger. So, yeah, reduce those calories.
Aside from my birthday where I ate my cake and it was yummy, damn it.
Anyway, I am slowly losing weight and while I wish it was faster I think it is healthy to lose it at a slow consistent pace. It is difficult to lose weight with hypothyroidism. It sort of resists it. But it will happen, one way or the other.
I spend a lot of effort hoarding the small amount of time and energy I have each day to use it on things with the maximum value to me. To that end, I find myself reducing and reducing my social media time. It sucks time from me that I simply do not have that much of. Scrolling and reading do not seem like much effort but for my brain that is a whole lot of effort, all of which increase dizziness. And can be better spent on something more intentional and less mindless. Intentional social media interaction is different. Mindless scrolling though… I have really just cut that out.
I am thankful I have an upcoming appointment with the vestibular clinic this week. It has been a long wait and I hope it wields some results and treatment. One can hope.
I am thankful I have the motivation to be purposeful and intent in my goals and actions within the confines of my limitations. It is difficult to achieve a goal when there is really limited time and energy in my day at the moment. But pretty determined regardless.